Waking Up to Love | The BridgeMaker

Waking Up to Love

By on Jan 25, 2015

basics of love

To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart and sing it to them when they have forgotten. – Thomas Chandler

Life has a way of lulling me to sleep sometimes. Not sleep in the literal sense, but sleep in the my mind is numb and I feel so checked-out sense.

I’ve been asleep lately. In this slumber, I’ve felt disconnected, uninspired and even though alive, just motionless, like a car stuck in a deep ditch with balding tires. In this situation, gaining traction is difficult.

I could point to the challenges Mary Beth and I have faced the past several months or getting a rotten case of bronchitis, but those are just excuses for being asleep – I’m the one who chose to keep my eyes closed as life kept moving on.

Hard to Wake

This sleepy state has extended into my marriage, too. The problems of the day have seeped into the one thing that was created to hold back the rising tide and provide a safe place, at least for a little while each day.

During these periods of deep sleep, the brain needs a little extra stimulus to break the cycle, recover and regain consciousness. For me, the stimulus was remembering about the basics of love.

What Keeps Love Alive

It’s hard to believe that after more than 29 years of marriage, I forgot, or honestly was too overwhelmed, to remember to do the little things that keeps love alive. But there comes a breaking point when it becomes clear that if things don’t change then things may never get back to how they once were, or how they should be.

These are the basics of love that I’m waking up to once again.

  • Being aware. It begins with being aware that love, like all things that live, needs attention, care and time to be nurtured.
  • Spark the desire. Without desire, love can dry up and fade away so quietly that you don’t even realize that it’s gone until its too late.
  • Kiss, just one kiss. One kiss everyday is all that’s needed – one intentional, heartfelt kiss.
  • Hold hands. Hold hands every chance you get.
  • Say, “I love you” three times a day. Don’t wait for the right moments to express your love and don’t assume the words don’t need to be spoken. Speaking love never grows tired.
  • Give more than you take.
  • Hug for no reason at all.
  • Fall in love often. Be willing to fall in love over and over.
  • Be happy with exactly what you have and don’t expect perfection.
  • Forgive, let go and move on.
Waking Up

I know there will be more challenges waiting and the urge to sleep through them will be tempting. But when I want to close my eyes, I’ll try to remember that sometimes sleep isn’t about rest, it’s about escape. And I’ll remember that sleep can be a lonely place that keeps love away.

So, it’s back to the basics. It’s back to feeling, caring and loving a little more each day.

It feels good to be awake again.

The BridgeMaker Founder Alex Blackwell is the author of Letting Go: 25 True Stories of Peace, Hope and Surrender. Join the community to connect, share and inspire: Twitter | Facebook | More Posts

  • bheretoday

    Alex! What a wonderful piece about the power of loving reconnection. Sorry to hear you’ve struggled, but oh, so glad you’re back!

    You know what I realized last night? I was fast out of the gate in early January ready to make changes and conquer the world. Until this past Friday when I collapsed in exhaustion, I ran hard, doing, doing, doing, with very little sleep. Everything was about MY 2015 PLAN.

    Do you hear all the “I’s” and “my’s”? I let it all go over the weekend and today feel a renewed awakening to the words I’m most comfortable with–one day at a time. Although I missed a lot of loving moments in the last three weeks or so, today is the day I get to start over.

    Thanks for a terrific post. All the best to you!

    • Hi Beth!

      It’s great to be back. Thanks for sharing your struggles, too. I know I can get so caught up with what’s urgent that I forget to pay attention to what’s important. Today is a wonderful day to regroup, reset and recommit to love – the love we give ourselves and the love we give to others!

      Take good care of yourself,


  • Cathy

    Always what I need at just the right time. Thank you so much for your honesty and wonderful advice to stay “awake” in love.

    • Hey Cathy – my heart sure needed to write these words and I’m happy they touched you as well. Staying awake in love definitely makes everything else worthwhile!

  • Fran Sorin

    Great seeing and hearing you again. I always love your willingness to be vulnerable. This article is evidence of it once again. You have been missed amongst your friends…xxoo

    • I’ve so missed you guys too Fran. After writing this, I feel awake in so many areas of my life. Thanks as always for your awesome support – and love!

  • It’s hard for me to imagine 29 years of marriage as a 26 year old, but I can certainly appreciate the power of falling in love all over again (with the same person), holding hands, and the other little things that mean so much.

    • It happens in a blink AJ, but the power of love is what gives it meaning and permanence. Thanks so much for stopping by today!

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