To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart and sing it to them when they have forgotten. – Thomas Chandler
Life has a way of lulling me to sleep sometimes. Not sleep in the literal sense, but sleep in the my mind is numb and I feel so checked-out sense.
I’ve been asleep lately. In this slumber, I’ve felt disconnected, uninspired and even though alive, just motionless, like a car stuck in a deep ditch with balding tires. In this situation, gaining traction is difficult.
I could point to the challenges Mary Beth and I have faced the past several months or getting a rotten case of bronchitis, but those are just excuses for being asleep – I’m the one who chose to keep my eyes closed as life kept moving on.
Hard to Wake
This sleepy state has extended into my marriage, too. The problems of the day have seeped into the one thing that was created to hold back the rising tide and provide a safe place, at least for a little while each day.
During these periods of deep sleep, the brain needs a little extra stimulus to break the cycle, recover and regain consciousness. For me, the stimulus was remembering about the basics of love.
What Keeps Love Alive
It’s hard to believe that after more than 29 years of marriage, I forgot, or honestly was too overwhelmed, to remember to do the little things that keeps love alive. But there comes a breaking point when it becomes clear that if things don’t change then things may never get back to how they once were, or how they should be.
These are the basics of love that I’m waking up to once again.
- Being aware. It begins with being aware that love, like all things that live, needs attention, care and time to be nurtured.
- Spark the desire. Without desire, love can dry up and fade away so quietly that you don’t even realize that it’s gone until its too late.
- Kiss, just one kiss. One kiss everyday is all that’s needed – one intentional, heartfelt kiss.
- Hold hands. Hold hands every chance you get.
- Say, “I love you” three times a day. Don’t wait for the right moments to express your love and don’t assume the words don’t need to be spoken. Speaking love never grows tired.
- Give more than you take.
- Hug for no reason at all.
- Fall in love often. Be willing to fall in love over and over.
- Be happy with exactly what you have and don’t expect perfection.
- Forgive, let go and move on.
I know there will be more challenges waiting and the urge to sleep through them will be tempting. But when I want to close my eyes, I’ll try to remember that sometimes sleep isn’t about rest, it’s about escape. And I’ll remember that sleep can be a lonely place that keeps love away.
So, it’s back to the basics. It’s back to feeling, caring and loving a little more each day.
It feels good to be awake again.