The 7 Golden Rules of Asking | The BridgeMaker

The 7 Golden Rules of Asking

By on Nov 04, 2013

ask for what you want

Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it. – Maya Angelou

I was always afraid to ask for things…and I never really knew why. I was always good at asking for a lot of small things. So it appeared that I always went for what I wanted. Which was not true.


And the rare times that I dared and the answer was NO, I was so heartbroken that the asking was not worth it anymore. I remember one time in college I became friends with someone I really liked. He was so handsome, so smart and all the girls liked him.

One night as I was walking back to our class with him, I dared to believe that I was good enough for him. I remember that walk so clearly that every step closer to our destination got my heart beating faster and faster.

There was an asking threshold that once you walk through then there is no turning back.

After all he was being so nice to me….and so I begun the sentence…


There was no going back after that sentence was released from my bold and daring self (you see our daring side is always inside there) Even before I finished my sentence, I saw it in his eyes…I saw his response before he even responded.

He didn’t feel the same way. This may not have been a big deal for other people but for me it was devastating….


“You are not good enough”…my brain screamed at me.

I run up the big staircase and disappeared….and I did not ask for anything from anyone for a really long time.

But most of all I experienced this very intense increased feeling of unworthiness.

It appears that the more we ask the more we risk our perception of our worth.


And do you know what happens when we stop asking for the things we want? We get much less than we deserve.

But you see… we would rather decrease our own worthiness than give someone else the chance to do this to us.

So we devalue ourselves. We tell ourselves we are not good enough to make the big ask. We become the naysayers.

We say no to ourselves more than others would.

Can you even believe that? We are the ones who decide how worthy we are. And let me tell you…after loss we ask even for even less than before.

Grief brings us into our most unworthy state. We are doomed. We never start living again after loss because we are not asking for the life we want. We make do with what we can get. Average is good enough.

Unless you follow these rules I made for myself.


The 7 Golden Rules of Asking
  1. Always ask for what you want. Believe in yourself enough to do the asking. Huge worthiness score on this.
  2. Before you ask strategize and use all your resources to make it happen. You will be surprised how many ways you can make your way in…
  3. Believe you should have it. If you don’t believe you should have it, then you shouldn’t have it.
  4. Replace “I could never pull this off” with “If anyone could pull this off its me.”
  5. Remember ….you truly have nothing to lose apart from your ego getting hit. But then again big egos are not very liked so it would do you some good if your ego got smaller. Worthiness does not mean having a big ego.
  6. You have been through the unimaginable so you can do the impossible. (This is my personal mantra, I used it to ask for my book endorsements from some pretty well known people, it worked…I even got a response from Tom Cruise’s agent. True story.)
  7. One day it will be too late and you will no longer be in a place of asking. Tomorrow won’t do. Asking should always take place today!

Now that you read the rules…what is it that you have not been asking for?

I want to hear it.

And I want to see you raise your worthiness scale.

In my book Second Firsts: Live, Laugh and Love Again I help you spell out exactly what you want for your second chapter and rewire your brain to believe you can have it.

With a lot of asking lately,


Christina's personal story + fresh approach to 'life after loss' has garnered international attention. Christina's first book — Second Firsts: Live, laugh and love Again — will be released by Hay House in the fall of 2013.

  • robynquinn

    I want to start an online business with my husband as I’m a writer and he’s a graphic designer. We have been talking about it, but our time is limited. We are thinking about dedicating 4 hours each week to it! I also want to re-write /edit an eBook I want to sell on Amazon but most of time goes for other freelance projects / ghostwriting /articles etc so that I can make money now. If I wrote these books then I may or may not make money ‘later’, and it’s hard to wait when you have to make a living. Maybe I’ll ask God to give me wisdom on how to incorporate even a few hours a week for this too. It’s just so difficult as there is just not enough time in each day!

  • Jeffrey Fry

    Wow… OK… bottom line… is FEAR… here.. and Attitude… when I was younger I would ALWAYS ask the prettiest girl in the room for a date…. and I expected a yes… but knew a NO would not kill me…and it didn’t… it was not about ego…I knew I was not the best looking, or most athletic, etc… but I KNEW I was the most unique me I could be…and that is worth something. I knew I loved myself, and had enough confidence that no matter what, I would thrive… OK…enough about me… the one thing that stood out was ego… part of the reason why you do NOT ask is because we do NOT have enough ego! Yes, there is a fine line between arrogance and confidence, and it has to do how you approach asking. it is the difference between worthiness and entitlement, loving and wanting, and denial and resilience. Yes, letting go is good, but you let go because you know you will fly, not because you do not care if you fall…

  • Alan Steinborn

    Great little article. Thanks for being vulnerable and real. I wish to add that asking for what we want is the best way to progress in discovering who we really are and what this life is really about! Congratulations on your book. I look forward to reading it. Alan Steinborn,

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