Comments on: Nine Ways to Keep Moving Forward in Life http://www.thebridgemaker.com/nine-ways-to-keep-moving-forward-in-life/ Simple paths to positive change Tue, 07 Feb 2012 23:51:14 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: angela http://www.thebridgemaker.com/nine-ways-to-keep-moving-forward-in-life/comment-page-1/#comment-14004 angela Sun, 15 Jan 2012 15:12:44 +0000 http://www.thenext45years.com/2008/02/nine-ways-to-keep-moving-forward-in-life.html#comment-14004 I think the part about taking 100% responsibility so important- until you do that none of the rest of the advice will help. I'm a career late bloomer (college graduate, but struggling) and my best friend is a social late bloomer (35 year old virgin). It's been hard to separate my issues from hers at times, but I'm realizing how things have been over the years- instead of helping eachother move forward we've often held eachother back and stayed in a safe spot together. While she's finally taking some steps in the right direction, I'm still having a tough time. I want to be happy for her, but I can't help feeling resentful that she's now doing things with other friends that she would never do with me. While it's great that she's finally ready to get out there and take some risks and meet new people I feel like our friendship has turned toxic. I'm trying to take responsibility only for my share of the problem. We grew up in a repressed religious atmosphere and so I know most of what she's going through isn't personal or about me. I went through this phase she's in 20 years ago when I was 15- I went to a large public high school and was forced to sort it all out at that time (as a teen when most people do it). She stayed close to her mom/dad so she's only just getting to this phase of independence in her social life. I want so badly to be supportive and yet I'm just angry at her. Plus, I'm a career late bloomer, so I've got a lot of my own issues to resolve. She's going through things now that most people go through in high school. While I have been struggling in my career I went through all the major life milestones pretty much on time with everyone else- prom, getting my driver's licence, going to parties and meeting boys, losing my virginity, etc. I'm not sure if I can be close with my bff in this next stage of life. We're just in such different places. It's a difficult transition to try and figure out my own mess, but having to factor in her crap also is overwhelming at times. Honestly, I think she needs to the space too, b/c I don't feel like we've pushed eachother forward. I also often feel like since she's never had a relationship, the emotional burden of that need for intimacy sometimes falls to me. I don't think she's a lesbian (not that there's anything wrong with that), just really insecure and afraid to date. I'm not a man and I can't give her what she really needs, which is validation as a woman that she's desirable. No matter how many times I am a cheerleader for her, I'm only her friend. I can't give her the confidence that some dating success would give her. And vice-versa, she can't give me the confidence that figuring out my career path would give me. I don't know why it's so hard to sort this all out, only we've been friends for almost 30 years now. Basically, since we're both late bloomers we can't really help eachother and as far as I can tell there's a lot of resentment on her part, too (i get the feeling she thinks it doesn't show, but it does). I'm wondering if any other late bloomers have had similar experiences? At first glance, you'd think that since I'm a late career bloomer and my friend is a late social bloomer that maybe we'd balance it out and could help eachother. But mostly we just hold eachother back. I think the part about taking 100% responsibility so important- until you do that none of the rest of the advice will help. I’m a career late bloomer (college graduate, but struggling) and my best friend is a social late bloomer (35 year old virgin). It’s been hard to separate my issues from hers at times, but I’m realizing how things have been over the years- instead of helping eachother move forward we’ve often held eachother back and stayed in a safe spot together. While she’s finally taking some steps in the right direction, I’m still having a tough time. I want to be happy for her, but I can’t help feeling resentful that she’s now doing things with other friends that she would never do with me. While it’s great that she’s finally ready to get out there and take some risks and meet new people I feel like our friendship has turned toxic. I’m trying to take responsibility only for my share of the problem. We grew up in a repressed religious atmosphere and so I know most of what she’s going through isn’t personal or about me. I went through this phase she’s in 20 years ago when I was 15- I went to a large public high school and was forced to sort it all out at that time (as a teen when most people do it). She stayed close to her mom/dad so she’s only just getting to this phase of independence in her social life. I want so badly to be supportive and yet I’m just angry at her. Plus, I’m a career late bloomer, so I’ve got a lot of my own issues to resolve. She’s going through things now that most people go through in high school. While I have been struggling in my career I went through all the major life milestones pretty much on time with everyone else- prom, getting my driver’s licence, going to parties and meeting boys, losing my virginity, etc. I’m not sure if I can be close with my bff in this next stage of life. We’re just in such different places. It’s a difficult transition to try and figure out my own mess, but having to factor in her crap also is overwhelming at times. Honestly, I think she needs to the space too, b/c I don’t feel like we’ve pushed eachother forward. I also often feel like since she’s never had a relationship, the emotional burden of that need for intimacy sometimes falls to me. I don’t think she’s a lesbian (not that there’s anything wrong with that), just really insecure and afraid to date. I’m not a man and I can’t give her what she really needs, which is validation as a woman that she’s desirable. No matter how many times I am a cheerleader for her, I’m only her friend. I can’t give her the confidence that some dating success would give her. And vice-versa, she can’t give me the confidence that figuring out my career path would give me. I don’t know why it’s so hard to sort this all out, only we’ve been friends for almost 30 years now. Basically, since we’re both late bloomers we can’t really help eachother and as far as I can tell there’s a lot of resentment on her part, too (i get the feeling she thinks it doesn’t show, but it does). I’m wondering if any other late bloomers have had similar experiences? At first glance, you’d think that since I’m a late career bloomer and my friend is a late social bloomer that maybe we’d balance it out and could help eachother. But mostly we just hold eachother back.

]]> By: Personality Trait #1: The Adventurer | myforgottenpen http://www.thebridgemaker.com/nine-ways-to-keep-moving-forward-in-life/comment-page-1/#comment-13859 Personality Trait #1: The Adventurer | myforgottenpen Thu, 05 Jan 2012 06:05:26 +0000 http://www.thenext45years.com/2008/02/nine-ways-to-keep-moving-forward-in-life.html#comment-13859 [...] character possesses a need to keep moving, to travel. He quickly becomes bored with familiar surroundings, and wants for [...] [...] character possesses a need to keep moving, to travel. He quickly becomes bored with familiar surroundings, and wants for [...]

]]> By: varishtajan http://www.thebridgemaker.com/nine-ways-to-keep-moving-forward-in-life/comment-page-1/#comment-13409 varishtajan Fri, 09 Dec 2011 16:22:46 +0000 http://www.thenext45years.com/2008/02/nine-ways-to-keep-moving-forward-in-life.html#comment-13409 Motivational........ Motivational……..

]]> By: mary http://www.thebridgemaker.com/nine-ways-to-keep-moving-forward-in-life/comment-page-1/#comment-13185 mary Sun, 04 Dec 2011 12:31:51 +0000 http://www.thenext45years.com/2008/02/nine-ways-to-keep-moving-forward-in-life.html#comment-13185 this was be wonderful this was be wonderful

]]> By: Lavine http://www.thebridgemaker.com/nine-ways-to-keep-moving-forward-in-life/comment-page-1/#comment-12419 Lavine Thu, 13 Oct 2011 06:00:54 +0000 http://www.thenext45years.com/2008/02/nine-ways-to-keep-moving-forward-in-life.html#comment-12419 This is wonderful! Thank you. I came acrosss (or most likely God brought me here :-)) as I was beginning to feel like I was at the end of my tether. Your words have indeed encouraged me in a time of doubt and insecurity and given me hope at a time I need to believe I am much more than my current circumstances, and will be much more, just as I desire. God bless you.x This is wonderful! Thank you.

I came acrosss (or most likely God brought me here :-) ) as I was beginning to feel like I was at the end of my tether.

Your words have indeed encouraged me in a time of doubt and insecurity and given me hope at a time I need to believe I am much more than my current circumstances, and will be much more, just as I desire.

God bless you.x

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