Making Two-Inch Shifts
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. – Victor Frankl
Article written by guest contributor Tara Mohr. Visit her at Wise Living.
A few years ago, a wise friend told me a story that has stayed with me every since.
More than twenty years earlier, while in graduate school, she sat in the university library, studying for a big exam.
It was a spring day, just weeks before the school year came to a close. My friend had opened all the windows in the room, she told me, hoping to make studying a bit more pleasant by bringing the outside in.
She was interrupted by a bee that flew into the room and began buzzing loudly around her head. She shooed it toward the large open window, but the bee flew right up to the top of the window frame. It began flying repeatedly into the closed portion of the window at the top, again and again trying to get through the glass.
My friend tried to shoo it downwards toward the wide open space, but to no avail. The bee kept banging itself into the closed sliver of window at the top– no more than a few inches of glass, while an opening thirty times that size was just below.
She told me, “I finally just stood back, and observed the lesson. When I find myself in that striving, banging against the wall place,” she said, “I remember that, for me, just as for that bee, there is a two inch shift, a tiny adjustment I can make, that will move me from constriction to great spaciousness. From there, I can go where I need to go.”
I immediately resonated with this story. I thought of every time in my life I’ve been stuck, banging again and again against a wall inside me or a wall in my life, and how it was a subtle inner shift, one that came from spiritual connection, that moved me from pain to peace and that showed me a way out I couldn’t see before.
Again and again, I get stuck. I go off course. I find myself having fallen into a striving, willful approach to life. I find myself losing sight of the wholeness and goodness of life, and getting pulled into fear and worry.
And then it starts to hurt to live that way. I remember this isn’t how it needs to feel. I surrender. I get on my knees and ask for help. I do things that connect me to spirit – reading spiritual literature or praying or giving to another human being.
I’ve found that whenever I ask, relief is given. External circumstances may not change, but I am moved from that place of banging against a wall to spaciousness. I move from pain to peace.
If this story speaks to you too, here are a few ways you can use its teaching in your life.
- Come to recognize the signs and symptoms of being in that banging against the wall place—as they show up for you individually. Consider, how do you know when you’ve left connection and alignment with the goodness of life?
What are those symptoms for you: Resentment? Being short-tempered with your family? Excessive feelings of tension and stress? Thinking you have to figure it all out on your own? Becoming jealous or focused on comparing yourself with others’?
How does banging against the sliver of closed window show up in your life? Begin to become more aware of when you’ve moved into that place. You can’t consciously leave it if you aren’t aware you are there.
- Keep vividly in your awareness what the opposite looks like, what it feels like to be in that spacious, open window place, so that you remember this alternative exists.
Think back on your experiences and notice: What is life like for you when you are really in touch with life’s goodness and overflowing compassion? What is it like when you feel in the flow?
If you don’t feel you’ve ever had this experience, that’s just fine—please don’t judge yourself for it! Just continue daily spiritual practices that bring you peace and joy, and you’ll move in that direction.
- And perhaps most importantly, we all need a toolkit for making two-inch shifts. Identify what shifts you from stuck to in motion? What moves you from fear to love? What moves you from constriction to expansiveness? What shifts you from seeing the world as unkind to feeling its kindness? What moves you from judging to loving?
Building your toolkit
For me it’s surrendering a power greater than myself, saying humbly, “I don’t know. I need help.” It is spending time with great art that I experience as a reflection of spirit. It is staring at sometime beautiful for just a minute or two, and letting it enliven me. It is calling love into the situation, looking at the situation with the eyes of compassion and forgiveness.
Think about your life. What helps you shift? Particular spiritual practices? Particular texts or prayers? Particular activities? Particular relationships?
We all need tools that we can use when we have just a few minutes and have gotten stuck, as well as tools we can use when we have more time.
Build your tool kit for making two-inch shifts. Call on it when you feel like there is no way out, when you seem to be hitting a wall again and again, when you can no longer see the loving, wide open path that always waits for you.
Tara Mohr is a writer, coach and personal growth teacher who helps people connect with their own inner wisdom. Visit her blog Wise Living, or click her to receive her free, unconventional Goals Guide, “Turning Your Goals Upside Down and Inside Out to Get What You Really Want.”
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Comments
18 Responses to “Making Two-Inch Shifts”
What do you think?
Quite a great story I can definitely relate to. In Jiu Jitsu (bjj), or MMA, it is exactly the same concept. Someone may be forcing me into a battle I have no chance of winning. However, instead of continuing to fight against the odds, a simple shift in leverage, technique, or strategy will solve the issue with little energy wasted.
I think the major thing people forget about is the energy wasted during these banging the wall type moments.
Great post.
I can definitely relate to this post. When starting any business, it’s easy to get stuck banging your head when things aren’t going well. And sometimes all that’s required is a new perspective in dealing with the problem.
Taking a step back and letting things sink in works wonders.
[...] Today I’m over at The BridgeMaker, writing about the topic of two-inch shifts. [...]
I think it is quite difficult for some people to accept the relationship walls in life. It is important to know when you are trying to change an irrational person against their will. Sometimes in life we have to settle for silent vicotories, knowing when to de-invest and give ourselves permission to avoid poison choices.
Peter, thanks so much for your comment, and the analogy to martial arts is really interesting. Those three shifts- in leverage, technique and strategy strike me as applicable to many, many challenging situations we find ourselves in.
Steve, thanks for sharing your thoughts. It’s true – a perspective shift is often all we need – and the solutions and new ideas start flowing. But my favorite kind of perspective shift is the really deep move from a sense of scarcity to abundance, from fear to love.
Arthur – absolutely. Fighting to change people is usually a losing battle. And usually what the world needs is our own growth and acceptance of others – not our valiant efforts to change them!
I love this story! It really speaks to that part of us that we all try to push away… you know the one that can get so close to what it’s doing that it can’t see the big picture anymore?
I’ve been there and I’m always so glad to be able to step back from a situation and gain some perspective. Maybe find a new way out or around something.
Lovely story, and great writing too!
Great post, Tara! Once again, I feel like you’re in my head. I really needed this, in particular:
“I’ve found that whenever I ask, relief is given. External circumstances may not change, but I am moved from that place of banging against a wall to spaciousness. I move from pain to peace.”
Thank you.
Thank you for this lovely story. Actually, I’m kinda stuck in a rut for moment and I want to get out but I don’t know how. And…I don’t know I haven’t found my toolkit yet. So this is certainly something for me to think about.
What a great story Tara. I love what you shared about taking a step back and surrendering to a power greater than yourself. I have started doing this myself more recently. Sometimes I find I just don’t know what to do and handing it over and trusting actually always makes the difference.
You are really talented Tara…
Here’s how this applies to me (in a big way). I’m actually deaf dude — I spent a lot of my time in my earlier years “fighting” this (as most of us would do).
At some point in my life, instead of ‘banging my head against the wall’ — I’ve come not to just accept it, but to embrace it. Not only that, there are little ’2 inch’ strategies I use to help understand others (I do read lips) — so that slight positioning, or the simple letting others know can change from a frustrating communication/experience to a constructive/joyful one.
Nathalie – Hello & thank you! I’m so glad that this spoke to you, and thanks for your kind words about my writing. It’s so true, there’s nothing like a perspective shift!
Kristin – thanks you. Its so true – the answer, the help, the grace is always given – and then we forget….and then we learn it all over again. Hugs to you my dear – tara
Megan – thank you for your comment. Here are a few questions you might find helpful—with regards to the “rut” situation: What do you really want? If you take a few deep breaths and turn your attention away from your mind, but toward your heart, gut instinct or inner wisdom – notice what it has to say about what you need to do next. And from a spiritual perspective, what happens if you say to a power greater than yourself, “Help. I’m in a rut. I’m stuck. Please guide me.”
Jen- hi there! Glad to hear this resonated with you. So true, it really does always make a difference. Hugs to you. T
Mike – Thank you so much for your comment!
What you describe sounds like a huge, life-changing shift – I can hear you really “get” the power of embracing – rather than fighting or even merely accepting – what comes one’s way.
Interesting too about 2-inch strategies and the power they have.
I hope you’ll consider writing more about this topic on your blog, and how you’ve made this shift from fighting to embracing in your life, and what that looked like for you. If you do, please let me know, I’d love to read it! Warmly, Tara
Hi Tara,
This is a really amazing concept. I’m an avid surfer and one of things that comes from it is a series of life lessons. The difference between a wipeout on a wave and a stellar ride is literally fractions of a second. It’s also about continually making small adjustments in order to stay on the board. So, you could say it’s kind of like making two inch shifts:). Good stuff. I’ve enjoyed your articles on the other blogs I read as well.
I echo everyone’s comments Tara and you sure spoke to many folks with all of the comments received.
I’m also a lover of metaphors!
To add another piece is to recognize that sometimes we bang up against things literally to beat ourselves up when we are holding resentments and self-judgments against ourselvs for something we did, didn’t do, or or still doing.
I look forward to reading more from you
Blessings,
Lorraine
Srinivas – thanks so much for your comment – and how nice to hear you’ve been enjoying my work other places too. I love the connection to surfing…very wise.
Lorraine – thanks for your comment – its so true, often that banging against the wall place is about being stuck in punishing ourselves. I’m glad you added this to the conversation.
Hi Tara,
This is a really amazing concept. I’m an avid surfer and one of things that comes from it is a series of life lessons. The difference between a wipeout on a wave and a stellar ride is literally fractions of a second. It’s also about continually making small adjustments in order to stay on the board. So, you could say it’s kind of like making two inch shifts:). Good stuff. I’ve enjoyed your articles on the other blogs I read as well.
[...] there, Today I’m over at The BridgeMaker, writing about the topic of two-inch shifts. If you feel (now or ever) stuck, striving, trying…but not finding flow or results or [...]
[...] there, Today I’m over at The BridgeMaker, writing about the topic of two-inch shifts. If you feel (now or ever) stuck, striving, trying…but not finding flow or results or [...]