Making Peace with “I Don’t Know” | The BridgeMaker

Making Peace with “I Don’t Know”

By on Nov 14, 2011

The moment you move out of the way, you make room for the miracle to take place. – Dr. Barbara King

Do you ever wonder, “What am I supposed to be doing?

That’s a common question when going through periods of transition. Transition is the psychological reaction to change – anger, confusion, fear, anxiety, and grief.

Frankly, I think life is an ongoing transition because change is always happening.

The doorway to possibilities

With the consciousness shifts occurring on the planet, there can be many moments when life seems to be a great mystery and all you have are questions that seem to have few answers.

At least the answers you want and hope for to soothe any anxiousness or fear arising when living with uncertainty.

Years ago, I read, The Art of Possibility by Rosamund and Benjamin Zander. It’s one of my favorite books. The authors view uncertainty as a doorway to possibilities. What a fabulous way to look at uncertainty!

Possibilities invite us to think of positive things that could happen, which is a different way to frame the idea of uncertainty.

Seeing life as a great mystery invites us to let go of trying to figure things out; to become adventurous and curious to receive the next clue that leads us on an unfolding story.

Living in this way allows us to make peace with being in the mystery, rather than having the “need to know or understand.”

Just tell me what to do!

For almost a year, I’ve been living in and out of “I don’t know.

There have been periods of immense pain and confusion, and times of grace and joy. Throughout the most difficult periods, I have received so much abundant support to strengthen my faith, trust, and courage.

There have been moments when I think I have crystal clarity and when I take action, the outcome is different from what I want or expect. The opportunity is to surrender and remember that there is a higher plan at work that is greater than my mind can comprehend.

My ego hates those times. Rebellion stirs, I cry, I stomp around, I yell at God, my inner victim comes roaring out.

I have asked:

What am I missing?
What do I need to see, feel, know, do… to change my life?
What do I need shift or let go of to allow more Grace in my life?
Just tell me what to do!!!

And when I have fully felt everything and acknowledged my helpless to do anything more or change the situation I am struggling with, Grace comes in.

I still don’t know anything more and it doesn’t matter because through all of that release some old pain has burned out, I feel at peace.

There is NOTHING to do.

Until we become helpless, The Divine is helpless to help us.

The difference between desperation and helplessness

Here is my distinction:

When we feel desperate, our mind and ego frantically begins searching for ways to solve the “problem” that is causing pain, fear, or stuggle.

In desperation, we seek to gain control to manage, move, or direct the situation to make the situation go away, to get away from the situation, or get the result we want. We attach to our own perceived sense of Power and push against life in an effort to triumph over it.


When we feel helpless, we acknowledge the limitation of our own power in being able to do anything more than the best we have done.

In realizing we have done all we can and been all we can be, we completely turn things over to The Divine to handle … trusting that the help that comes will be for our best and highest good from a Presence that loves us dearly and wants our lives to be happier than we could ever imagine.

Grace comes pouring in when you finally “let go and let God.”

Today, I am living in quite a bit of, “I don’t know.” What I do know is the answers will come when they are ready to be revealed. “I don’t know,” simply means, “I don’t know – yet.”

The more I push and demand to know, the more disconnected I am to receive the guidance that is speaking to me and to all of us in every moment.

Not knowing does not mean that you are at risk, in danger, or that your worse case scenario will be actualized. Make peace with not knowing. Struggling and pushing to understand creates misery.

Where faith and trust come in

Today people are living through some of their greatest fears and have come out the other side with a greater life than they ever had before. They are happier, thriving, and loving their life because they had the chops to go the distance through the dark places that brought them in the Light of Grace and Love.

The world is “waking up” to their destiny and remembering who we really are.

We feel like strangers in a strange land learning a new language without a road map. Life seems to be falling apart to make way for new beginnings.

That’s the journey I am on.

I don’t know what is next. I’m not sure I know much about anything other than trusting that I am exactly where I am meant to be and I am not traveling this path alone.

Today, I will take a walk outside and have a thoughtful conversation with the God of my understanding, create sacred space for my spiritual practices, and take whatever inspired action calls to me as the day unfolds.

Today, I will appreciate all the miracles, blessings and gifts I receive through my relationships and life experiences.

The rest I surrender into the hands of my Divine because that is all I know.

And that’s okay.

You don’t travel on this journey alone. If you truly knew who walked with you every day, you would never be afraid.

Lorraine Cohen is the CEO and founder of Powerfull Living. Join Lorraine on May 15 and 17 for two FREE calls: Awakening to Love: Revealing Your Courageous Heart in an Insane World. You are invited to register here.

  • Beautifully said. That is the key Dia. Faith is the natural state of the soul. Trust is part of our human experience.

  • Dia

    Hi Lorraine and Alex,

    What I find is when I let go of my attachment to what I want, I feel way much better. When we trust that God wants the best for us and have faith that God will help us all our lives and everything will be ok, we begin to experience serenity and peace of mind. Faith plays an important role here. Thanks for sharing

  • @ David. How exciting. First, thank you for the work you are doing with kids. Transitions can feel like being on an emotional rollercoaster. Reframing change as possibilities invites us to dream and let go of seeing life as a seris of challenges and problems.

    @ Bryan. So true. We often have more questions than answers. Admitting we don’t know and being ok without pushing, judging, resisting…creates a more welcoming place to receive what we need to know or do in Divine timing. This is what makes us human.

    @ Beautiful Galen. YES! We have a low toleration for discomfort in uncertainty. Surrendering with faith and trust is what we are being called to embody! I continue to breathe a lot too.