How to Love Consciously
“The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.” Gilbert Chesterton
Knowing how someone wants to be loved and then providing that love are two separate things. Sometimes marriages and other relationships end because either one person does not understand how to love or meet the needs of the other; or one partner refuses to meet the needs of the other.
To love consciously is a choice. Mary Beth and I often say being married is very similar to having another full-time job – you get out of it what you put into it.
Our marriage is like a savings account. My wife and I make deposits into it never expecting we may need to make a withdrawal. However, when we do request a withdrawal there are no associated penalties.
Yes, we argue over the temperature in the car or who really forgot to feed the dog, but when it really matters; when it really counts, we make the consciousness choice to give each other the love that is requested and needed.
With over 23 years of marriage under our belts, we have found the following strategies work best to love intentionally; to love authentically and to love consciously.
Show Appreciation
A simple “thank you” in response to a trivial or ordinary item can make a significant difference. It only takes a few short moments to utter these two words, but the impact can be felt for a very long time.
Showing gratitude is also the best strategy for ensuring the things you are most grateful for continue to happen. When we stop and tell our partners what we are grateful for, we are also telling the Universe. By making the effort, the conscious decision, to express our thanks we are in a better position of receiving more of it in the future.
If you want your partner to be grateful, it starts by you showing gratitude, first.
Be Happy, Not Right
Here’s a question for you, “Would you rather be right, or happy?” Too often our pride and egos can keep us from enjoying intimate relationships. We stew over what we think are injustices, but are perhaps only misunderstandings.
We carry grudges and do not show enough grace, passion or forgiveness to the person we care most about. Our need to be right can overshadow our need to receive, and give, love.
Take a look at what your pride is costing you. If intimacy is strained and the relationship is off track you may want to reconsider the value of your anger or self righteousness. Here’s the thing: You may be right in the argument although you partner thinks otherwise, but you will never be wrong when you put your partner first. Happiness always feels better than vindication.
No Day But Today
What would you say to your partner if you knew this was the last day you would be together? Would you complain about the television being too loud, or would you remind your partner of their value and significance?
Life does have an expiration date. This isn’t meant to be a downer – just a reality we all share. It’s what you do with this information that will make the difference. While it’s very difficult to sustain a high-level of connection and passion on a day-to-day basis, there are some simple things you can do to convey your partner’s importance to let them know they are important today:
- Kiss your mate at least twice a day
- Leave a quick note just to say “hi,” or “I love you”
- Never do anything you wouldn’t want your partner to know
- Be fully present when they need to talk or share something important
- Make the effort to spend some time together each day
- Give a compliment
- Make your partner feel important
- Smile
No Judgments
Judgments are often times rooted in perception, not reality. Judgments are also a piece of how you see the world, not the way the world, or in this case your partner, actually exists.
The harm with judgments is resentment and anger are typically the outcomes – not the change that is expected. When a judgment is made, there is an implied belief the behavior or trait being judged should be corrected. However, the person receiving the judgment does not always share the same expectation.
As a result, communication is impaired, connection is deteriorated and conflict ensues. To love deliberately and consciously requires loving your partner with a different filter – a cleaner filter that does not have the residue of past containments.
Be Aware of Your Own Thoughts & Feelings
Loving authentically is dependent on loving yourself, first. Before you share love, and share yourself with someone, it is important to beware of what you want. Reality suggests, however, we fall in love and begin relationships before we have a clear idea of our own true feelings.
When this happens, there is still plenty of time to discover your needs – this is called growth. Give yourself opportunities outside of the relationship. Build friendships and pursue interests on your own.
A good relationship exists when both people can live without the other, but choose to be together. A relationship built on a foundation of sharing different interests cultivates more life and depth into it.
You own your thoughts and feelings. These make you unique and keep you grounded with who you really are or growing to become. By doing so, you are in a much better position to love freely and honestly. Nature has a way of taking care of those things we put the most energy in and want to grow even stronger.
Loving Consciously
The power of love extends its reach when we will love intentionally. Real love, authentic love, springs to life and is sustained when we make the choice to feed it with our deliberate passion. Our souls are nourished when our partners realize we know how to love them.
There will be a day when I no longer share this life with my wife. When that day arrives, my hope is she will know my intent was to discover exactly what she wanted and my conscious choice was to give her more of that.
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197 Responses to “How to Love Consciously”
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An excellent list of tips, Alex!!
Thank you. Loving consciously is very important.
Sucessfully loving another is sucessfully loving oneself!
Many more blessings to you and Mary Beth!
CG
sounds like you have to talk yourself into believing that you love this person. as soon as you make rules about what love is or what love in action is, it is no longer love. it is simply a ritual designed to avoid the pain of life itself. wake up and be free.
Thanks for sharing your point-of-view Greg. I don’t believe there are rules in my relationship, but rather choices we get to make along the way.
Ok. as long as your choices are just that “your choices” - not social expectations. for me, love is like the weather - it has to change to be - to much of anything - sun rain wind calm would just not cut it. if you can hate someone as much as you love them you most probably have it all, otherwise i would question the reason for my choices.
Alex,
I enjoyed your ideas on loving consciously in marriage and relationships. Love and respect for someone takes an honest, unselfish choice to nurture and bond which leads to communication, happiness and relational adequacy which surely improves a relationship. For my husband and I, some of your ideas are familiar. The others we could put into practice and improve the overall picture of our love for each other. Thanks for sharing.
Becky
sometimes though u just got a rotten apple and there is nothing u can do but try
http://www.santaletterz.com/
“Give a compliment”
I find that being honest and sharing your positive thoughts with your partner, is a great source of happiness for both of you…
Great post!
Beautiful sentiments, eloquently expressed. I’m especially fond of “Be Happy, Not Right”. So many times when working with couples I have to ask them, “Do you want to be married, or be right”? The section on judgments is also very important. So many times someone in a relationship acts on assumptions they make about the other person’s reasons or motivations that are completely wrong. Good communication is so important.
Thanks for a great article.
Not sure what GREG was talking about, but I love this post. I think it is an elegant way of looking at the whole thing called love.
All of this is very true. My wife and I try to practice many of these principles, except we like to scream and yell as they run their course.
Now that’s true love
I love the idea that we should be happy, and not right. In my family there were often times where my parents were arguing to be “right”. That obviously didn’t lead anywhere.
Thanks for this insightful post. Loving consciously is important for all of us.
Alex - Congrats on 23 years of successful marriage! I agree that marriage feels like another full-time job. It certainly takes work to have a successful relationship for the long-haul. You obviously know what it takes. Thanks for sharing so many great ideas!
Stumbled!
It is so true that simple thank yous go very far toward building continuous love and intimacy. It often seems people use better manners with complete strangers than with their own families! Striving to show how grateful we are for our family every day is a simple goal we all can achieve!
Homemaker Barbi (Danelle Ice)
Beautiful post Alex
You are the perfect author because you live what you write. As a single woman, I can appreciate that marriage is a full-time job and one that is an ongoing evolution for your both. It sure make difference when both peope are invested in the journey as you and Mary Beth are.
I loved your short list of ways to show up every day that says “I love you.”
Thanks Alex
Blessings,
Lorraine
I like the way you threaded the idea of loving as the way to live consciously through the post. Great inspiration.
Interestingly enough, I’ve been here before but rediscovered you just now through Stumble Upon.
Imagine a leaf
falling down onto your belly
as you lay naked on the sundeck
of a boat two thousand miles from shore.
It’s a perfect leaf
quite dry and green
and of course it scares you so
because of its impossibility
and your need to account for it.
What if you never do?
You keep it, the leaf
to show to others on the boat
but even though they understand
they find your wonder greater than theirs.
This reduction in feeling progresses.
Back on land you repeat your story
but even those who love you most
those you trust
do no more than ask a few logical questions
before moving on to other subjects.
Perhaps with a shake of the head
but more likely incomprehension.
Eventually
(because you have no way of classifying this event
or even understanding it)
the notion of what happened to you recedes
powerful still, but into a darker place
as though a room without light.
You cannot make sense of your leaf
and so you ignore it.
(Unless, of course, as though in equal and opposite reaction, it won’t allow itself to be ignored and instead demands your constant attention and, in doing so, diminishes all else. Then what you have is an obsession, which if viewed correctly can be the greatest of blessings and, of itself, a reason to live. As she has been since I met her.)
[...] to a Cause How to Love ConsciouslyBeing A Full-Time Parent Has More To Do With Sacrifice Than [...]
this is best activity
I am for you
Thank you for the wonderful wish. I wish my blog posts were this deep…
A very nice way to define love
Very nice article. Its very important to love a person consciously.
And give opportunities to yourself, your feelings, your work, your happiness.
Never ignore yourself, when your loving a person.
If you are happy, only then you can keep others happy.
Nice Article. Well done. Keep it up
i loved it. im single now but i do promise you that i will love Consciously and never forget a single word from this one. nice article and a great job
thanx for it
while reading your article i was amazed to see so much of what i have found to be true in a marriage of thirty years.. so many things i have told my wife how much i love her , how much i appriciate her. how much i want to listen to her thoughts and ideas and try to understand and try to give that which i want and be what i ask of her . i tell here all the often. but..the problem is she can’t hear me … she died ten years ago… there is a song titled “live like you were dieing.” and we are… thanks Bcingu
I love this!
You really know what you are talking about thanks for sharing.
This is very thoughtful. I have being struggling in my relationship so much that we go parallel ways. But thanks be to God for bringing people like you on earth.
I love your articles, please send me more. This is so brilliant so much that I wish each and every couple can go through article so that couples can understand each other better and learn to compromise in other situations
Keep it up
I’m in Lesotho
Fantastic article. Be ready for much appreciation by bloggers!!
Great insight–but I think Greg must have a large problem.
No problem - just not into pseudo claptrap. So I must write a love note when I know it’s not the way I feel at that moment?? This is the height of deceit.
Sometimes I want to write a note and say wash the dishes and clean the house - now if she does it … now that’s true love.
Wake up - be free
Well thought out and accurate piece of work.
Let’s hope that some of our more ridgid responders learn to cut loose that anchor that will not let them ever be free. The relationship with yourself is the key to all things you face in life. Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it.
thanks, Bob
As for Greg– how about write her a love note WHEN you happen to feel like so. You get what you give. I doubt I’d be as delighted to find a note barking at me to do the dishes as I would be to find a note saying that I’m an important person. I’d probably do the dishes anyway, just on a better mood.
While some of this sounded like directly out off some psychological manual that, in theory, works brilliantly but cannot be executed in real life, many parts in this stand very true.
Sometimes people just give more than they receive. Perhaps it’s all about learning to give and not expect to get anything in return, not even a simple thank you or a that was nice of you to do.
Love. Such a complicated thing.
Thanks - just what I needed to keep my perspective today!
Great article.
GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for the great article. Love consciously and live intentionally. My intent is to find all that is beautiful and true about my wife. So it is more important to know how she engages her world and mine than to be sure she sees my point of view as the “right” point of view. I see life as a journey of discovery, and I think it is always better shared. What we work on is the right tools and skills of engagement with each other and the world around us.
If I were to design a very rudimentary robot type humanoid this is how I would instruct it to “love”.
This article is so bound up in ego the writer it would seem has no clue and no access to his emotions (unconscious mind). The conscious mind is controlled by the unconscious mind. When you “wake up” there in no barrier and no separation to what is conscious or unconscious - there is just you. So go ahead and write your stupid love notes and say thank you and make up a load of clap trap to control your wife/husband but know that this stupid game only serves those control freaks that are so scared to find out who they really are they have to control everyone else in case their world caves in.
WAKE UP BE FREE!!
Thanks for some wonderful insight into how one can keep their love/relationship vibrant, growing and fresh. I, too, am currently single but I also think that these tenets apply to any love relationship — with siblings, friends, parents, etc.
As for Greg — I hope you find some peace in this place you define as “who you really are”. Based upon your posts, I don’t think I personally would want to know who you “really” are if you can’t find a peaceful place in your heart to simply tell the person you claim to love that you love her. Very frightening, indeed!
Greg I see your point but at the same time if you don’t try you’ll leave them dry..and women definitely don’t want that Greg lol..I do suggest to always or at least most of the time look at the glass as half full..when my gf wakes up in the morning she might not look at her best as when she fixes up her hair and dresses up but I look at her beautiful eyes and its ALL GOOOOOD
you will never find true happiness until you have truly loved and you will never know how painful it is until you have failed to love.
As I read your page on loving and others’ comments I really pity America’s egotistical refusal to include all people in their sayings of ‘you SHOULD’. There are few comments that include homosexuality, fewer still for bisexuality, and I have NEVER seen a comment including the feelings of an asexualist, except on our own web page.
To help you understand: an asexual person generally has NO desire for sexual relations with anybody, though many do produce children, usually as a favor to their mate (we do marry, often as a favor or a show of gratitude). Asexuality is inborn, as is homosexuality or heterosexuality. We are as sure of our sexuality as you are of yours.
We love as deeply as you do. Love and sex are not the same thing.
its very nice
Love is a choice and it you have to make an effort to keep love a live and have open communication.
Love never comes easy because you are always learning about your partner changing and growing with them.
Great article about romance! We can use these helpful tips to strengthen our relationships.
Most thought provoking analysis of human Nature.Lovely.Keep it up. let us all wake up to true Love.
Lovely and frank. I like it . I am changing. Are You too ?
l want to what love is in all its values
this was really a good article, yes in our daily life we sometimes forget to give importance to lil things, but such lil things matters most in future up-liftments of our relationship
Thanks for a RARELY found, genuinely good article. Been married for 20 years, still learned ALOT from this! Live to give, always with your heart and a hand, and Love will fit like a glove.
I dont think it is so easy
umesh
Hi Gilbert,
Another view: what you are describing and sharing is all about successful relationships.
Love is not a thing, not a verb, not something we do. Love is an experience - like nature, compassion, grief, joy, and feeling happy - it comes and goes.
Love is infinate, like the air - not to be bartered or negotiated, just enjoyed in a mood of wonder.
good
It’s hard to find someone whom you truly love, much less to find someone who loves you as much. When the chance comes, don’t ever let go.So love conciously
http://www.iwebforums.org
Don’t forget to love that dog
love is not easy to come by. when u find it, don’t let it go please.
dont talk about it. do it.
Dear Alex
i simply love the post and not only tht i usually end up taking tips from your website… i had first learnt from one of your post that”one should choose between being right and happy”. That time i chose to be right and got my life partner now after i have him i have decided to be happy rather being right
hi
when i read this love history i felt bad
This is a really good piece i would like more of it. thanks
ohhh. we have been married 23 years too!
Many congrats, it gets better every year, no ? That’s if you are completely honest, real and vulnerable with each other. We have been thro’ rocky patch this last year, but God is faithful and is helping us thro’.
A gentle stroke on the cheek (or elsewhere-non sexual) tells your partner you are glad he/she is still close! It has worked for us for 52 years! It STILL WORKS!
I like this article. There’s a song with a title “Love Makes the World Go Round.” Give and take is one of the principles. It’s true, judgement has no place when people are in love. It’s a wonderful thing to be grateful for one another and have a habit of saying …”I love you…” always. Commitment is not easy but once love prevails, each one serve as an energy and “light” to strenghten and brighten his/her life every moment of the day. Thanks for sharing this to people.
I am happy to have stumbbled on this article at a time like this in my life it will go a long way at helping me biuld my relatioship and earn the kind of happiness that have eluded me thank you.
OOOOOOOOooooohh.. now i know
Thanks for this great article. I’ll add this to my favorites 
Excellent post Alex. Really, you have given us a GREAT article. People should read it to keep their relationship alive.
Thanks for Sharing these information with us.
WAT’S LOVE???? THOSE WHO DNT KNOW, CALL IT RESPONSIBILITY,THOSE WHO PLAY CALL IT A GAME,THOSE WHO DNT HAVE IT CALL IT A DREAM N THOSE WHO UNDERSTAND CALL IT LIFE!!!!THE VIRTUE OF TRUE LOVE IS NOT FINDING THE PERFECT PERSON BUT LOVING THE IMPERFECT PERSON PERFECTLY……LOVE DOES NOT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING BCOZZZ IT SIMLY DOESN’T ENDS……..LOVE IS VRY BEAUTIFUL THING,FEEL IT.ALEX U SAID THE BEST N THE RIGHT THING…..!!!!!! ALISHA
nice
its better to b happy than b rite i love ur words if every one respects love than the earth becomes heaven
EXCELLENT RELATIONSHIP TOOLS, THROUGH THE “REAL” UPS & DOWNS WE ALL EXPERIENCE DAILY.
I enjoyed this article very much. It definitely gives a new perspective on the love in marriages.
As a Healer and Natural Health Practitioner, I wrote a recent article on the physical issues that can affect marriages or relationships.
These are the physical issues which can cause people’s perceptions (mental thoughts really) to to be directed to their partner.
I agree and love having gratitude for the gifts of one’s partner.
http://www.kroegerhealer.com/natural-healing-for-relationships-marriages.htm
If love is gone all these scheduled complements, ” thank you” notes, touching each other twice a day- won’r work. And if you love each other you don’t need all this BS. Unless you are a complete idiot and don’t know how to communicate with a person you love.
Tonya - Finally someone that can think for themselves. I couldn’t agree with you more! Love consciously what a joke. It’s like asking a centipede to walk consciously - the animal will not be able to move. Imagine - ok leg 1 forward - then leg two back - then leg three forward etc. This thing will tie itself in knots before it gets to ten let alone 100! Love is love and this stupid idea of writing little notes and saying things on a schedule has to be the biggest load of C*R* AP ever though up. Seriously if you have to write notes etc. to control “love” the other person, please jump of the nearest very high bridge and remove yourself from the gene pool before you pollute it any further. This author can only be described as a deluded control freak garnished with a liberal sprinkling of deceit. That however is not the problem - the fact that most people that have read this and think it’s just wonderful shows just how dumb the majority are and how easy it is plant idiotic ideas in ordinary people. Wake up - Be free!
Thanks for this very informative article! Being intimate with a significant other is not something most people learn growing up - it’s great to read articles like this to help us all!
This was a timely reminder for me not to take my marriage or partner for granted. Thank you!
This is especially great for people who have busy schedules and need a reminder of how lucky they are to have each other.
nice article help full
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http://www.proxy-web.blogspot.com
My only comment is that I wonder just why Greg continues to return to this site/article and make his comments. It is just fine to have this point of view but Greg, let it go, be FREE.
Greg: (if you’re still there) I agree that some of this article (on third reading, + browsing rest of site) is a bit cheesy (corny, “cringe” we used to say) and some articles may be a bit contrived. Any relationship has its ups and downs, as do our feelings, moods and attitudes. However, I do believe love is a decision and we have to sacrifice our own comfort sometimes and seek the happiness of our partner above our own. The references to faith, the Higher Power and God here are somewhat vague and AA type, but I think Alex is trying to be all things to all spiritualities (like Steven Covey, did you know he’s a Mormon?)
Alex: I received some very offensive comments on a blog I used to write and decided to cut all comments. It is possible to do an “approve comment” system before they get published - that may mean lots more work for you, but check it out maybe!
Best wishes.
Tony
[http://www.photocards4all.com/images/fjord1_247.jpg]
it is just a matter of time and you nkow that she has been studying you
I am ready to do every thing
i want to get the right person.
i love your pics
OK!
my friend Tuan Nygen took that photo! it hope that was bought and not stolen or we will have a copyright issue on our hands!
Thanks for the article it is nice and very interesting well written.
I am 25 been in a relationship since 18 for 3 years she broke my heart and married with somebody else unexpectidly she came back after 4 years, she found out her hussie is not loving her any more with few kids he left her.
Yes she didn’t need to tell me how sorry she is but it was too late and i wasn’t alone as well, and didn’t want to break my girl friend’s heart and i turned my back and walked away coz all my feelings and and love were death coz she did broke my heart and hurted me big time and her love and my feelings were burried with all her gifts in the graveyard of her love for eva.
Verry Nice..
Thank You,
Biju Subhash
thanks for all
http://arabti.com
http://arabti.net
http://doctor-egypt.com.com
Great article !!!! really taught me many things !!! I really love my precious Kainat shes the best !!!!!!
Many of the points in the article are usually overlooked in the desire to move forward or to succeed in this short life of ours!
you are wondarful…..
I Too Enjoyed this Synopsis of Expressing Feelings
I Believe He Feels in His Heart All the Words He
Expressed.YEAH! Most of You Can Express Feelings >
However Opening Up Your Heart? You Feel Funerable
Due to Your Past Experiences? REMEMBER! Other Peo-
ple Cannot Hurt You or I We Can Only Hurt Our-
selves.
WE Must Love Ourself 1st and Your Partner Too 1st
Two - Ones = Three [ You Me We ! Utopia
One Last Idea{difficult}Give-Up “EXPECTATIONS”..
Wishes God Bless Owen
This only works if both partners are willing to participate. After a one sided deposit takes place for a while, it gets old. If it were to be the last day of existance you feel things would be better. congrats to those of you that have wives or husbands that actualy care to try but for some of us it is just a matter of trying to keep it together until the kids grow up before the inevitable happens.
This is great, it turned me on :D!
It’s true that you should know what you exactly want and need before you start a relationship although it’s difficult because you only discover what you need when you are in a relationship.
Too many temptations yield you wanting to try new things even if you don’t need them.
Never have children unless you are sure about your other half or else you are going to spend the rest of your life unhappy.
Spice up your relationship by trying new things together. The less you drink, the happier you are………
More to come on: http://www.reda.ennair.com
God bless,
Mr R
Phew, how wonder we alway been love and to be love each others’
love is very importent for our brain because with love we can enjoy how beautiful this life when we were bored with our lesson in the school we will fresh again with love
nice… i like it very much….
Some points can be used towards other members beside your significant others, good thoughts good article.
it’s awesome…
it’s fabulous…
it’s just great…
i love this - “Be Happy, Not Right”
honestly… it’s gonna help me in my relationship.
thnx Alex!!!
take care.
I once was in a position that I didn’t want to be in…I almost lost my husband. It scared me. The fear inside made it clear how much I truly loved him. The love was masked by years of disappointment and resentment as I had expectations he just simply could not meet.
As the love surged through me I was reconnected with all those “New Love” feelings, you know that cloud 9 feeling that disappears after that first year. And still today, 2 years later, it is just boiling inside me. When your needs are being met and you are doing the same for your partner, the sense of pride you feel keeps you on top of the world. Could it be that we “stumbled upon true happiness!”
Great article…I agree with all except a marriage being like a full time job…A job quickly becomes something you HAVE to do…I WANT to love him…so it is not WORK at all. It’s LIVING! I live to be the best I can be everyday in all areas of life…and especially in my marriage. Cheers to loving and living, living and loving it!!
GREG - You are an idiot! I don’t think this was meant to be taken as rules, but simply guidelines. You shouldn’t feel like you HAVE to compliment your partner. If you are really in love and really want to love and treat your partner how they want and deserve then it wouldn’t be such a problem to let them know how much they mean to you and be reminded of how important they are to you.
really A inspired 1……
A lot gonna 2 B implemented in my life…..
nice article bro,i like it very much
God Bless you all. Thank you for Sharing this Article with us. It really makes you aware of Certain things that we seem to neglect at times because our Pride kicks in the relationship. As long as we are aware and eventually start to deal with OUR OWN backed up hurt from the years that have passed in our life, we then can start seeing clearly and consciously our partner with all the LOVE that surrounds us from ABOVE and with each other. We will also be able to FORGIVE much easier and we will be forgiven as well.
1stly love is simply “freanship” containin ups & down, tear and laughter, pain and hopes. its not a someting to argue its is give us to feel.
merci
Keep it up. let us all wake up to true Love.
thanks
de la cuna al cajón
very nice article
I enjoy reading this article. I remember someone there … Oh I miss you. Anyway, thanks for the inspiration
Love the most sublime signs of life, thank you very much
i ejoy readind this article & i wanna say that love is aspecial feelings we can define it by introduces our sacrifices to the one that we love & also by giving him/his our time just to make him/his feel that he is so lovely by we & thx
This is a very well written article, but I’m not sure I agree with it. If one is so busy defining love, how can one actually just love? I don’t think it’s supposed to make sense. Even the greatest writers in history were vague in their descriptors of love.
I actually find it amusing that some people consider love to be work. I’ve been married for 18 years and it’s been like a river flowing downhill. Fast in some places. Slow in others, but we’ve never needed to force it. In fact, if it’s work for you to not argue about what’s on t.v., then you should probably be alone for a little while longer.
I like reading differing opinions and I’m glad I read this. Well done.
It will have to be the way of the future if we desire relationships to be enduring,meaningful and rewarding throughout life.
Loving consciously is also my personal belief of building a strong and healthy relationship
well put!!
AJ Kumar
To Greg……..Wake up, be Free
I want congratulate to Grant to his graceful response to Greg………….
I went to stumbleupon for the first time and found this. I love technology and I love this post.
Great Article.. very informative and insightful tips.
Thanks for sharing
Regards
Shabbar Suterwala
Corporate Soft Skills Trainer
Beautiful article Alex. It came at just the perfect time. Thank you so much.
nice article,
thank u for your share.
TO GREG!
I think you are missing out on so much. Alex never said to “execute” these things blindfully and mechanically. He shared his views on love, he shared tips that we have to adapt to our own life, in our relationships. In everything I hear or read, I take what suits me, and leave the rest. If everything works perfectly for you as it is(which I doubt, or else, you wouldn’t be so miserable), then good for you. You come across as arrogant, and it’s really uncalled for. If you don’t agree with Alex’s views then, just go surf elsewhere. I see I’m not the only one who doesn’t appreciate you or your ignorant comments. Clearly, you don’t get the simple concept of Alex, which was not to give us rules to obey like soldiers, but he wanted to help us open up our minds and hearts to loving our partner. Perhaps you’ve never really loved or been loved. If so, I’m really sorry. Throughout the comments, people have tried to make you understand what Alex was trying to do, the majority of us got it. If you don’t get it, that’s your business, just keep your hateful comments to you.
Also, in trying to find someone who “thinks” like you, you thought you found an ally in Tonya, right? Well, poor Greg, you didn’t even get what she was against… And I’m not explaining it to you.
Again, go post comments where people actually care what you think. You are one frustrated, lonely, mad and sad person. You just can’t stand other people being happy…there is help out there, just be honest with yourself. Wake up- be free!
This was very informative on how to love without reservation.
This is one of my favorite articles. Very often, I come back and read this article again and again. I think it does not just apply to relationships. Even in dating, we should do the same. How to Date Consciously.
Applicable if you manage to get into a relationship in the first place. What if the more you are yourself, the more others just seem to go ‘ahh, he’s too different, i can’t relate’ or ‘he’s too much’. I work on loveing myself everyday, but i’m SOOO tired with being along because i’m unique.
even though i use the internet day in day out this is the first time i have posted a comment not that i haven’t felt the need before but never brought myself to do it.
Anyway coming back to the article i hink it was beautifully written and full of essence. i think that everybody could relate to it and make a positive progress to their own life weither you are loved, not loved, lost love or wantsto get into a relationship. as arabesque pointed it out if everything we read or hear it is best to take what suits us and adapt it to our life.
all good or bad lovers if i may say that can learn fromthis article because it can help you amend or improve our ways to reach a “happy climate” in our relationship. Because it takes two to tango i think those in a relationship would get a better response within their relationship if both partners read the article and share views. i intend to do so even though i have been married for 10 years so far so good i can still learn from it.
THANK YOU ALEX FOR SHARING YOUR VIEWS AND MAY GOD SHOWER HIS LOVING BLESSING UPON YOU AND MARY BETH FOR YEARS TO COME.
A GRATEFUL READER
@ Kinouche: Thanks for your comments and blessings!
Love is beyond human control and we should take care because nawadays is nawadays
Tonya and Greg - I enjoyed Alex’ article and shared it with my wife. It exudes warmth and the desire to make Mary Beth and himself happy. I did not perceive it as a recipe, but as a reminder that one’s feelings need expression to reach the loved one and that the transmission of that expression is not always secure without diligent care. The fact that you chose to knock it and to crudely insult the author and the readers who liked it is a sad revelation of your own disabilities.
it is marvallous and simply superb
I Would Say To Listen To a Music at the Beach With a Nice Girl of My Partner
Thank you
Payam
This is definitely a page worth bookmarking. Congratulations on the 23 years and i wish you two 23 more at least! Something worth reading and listening to. Best of wishes and thanks for the nice read.
this is really sweet…. i hink it was beautifully written and full of essence. i think that everybody could relate to it and make a positive progress to their own life weither you are loved, not loved, lost love or wantsto get into a relationship. and i remember my love… cant say anything
One quick suggestion for a long and happy relationship.SLEEP NUDE! We have done this ever since we got together.It is hard to stay mad or mask feelings,when all is revealed.You do not want to go to bed mad.NEVER! This has worked for us for 51 years and we still enjoy it.Try it you’ll love it. Thank you.
This article is very good. I think that this article only applies to those who seek to be happy. Being right is selfish, it takes someone to acknowledge you and the willingness to do right to be right. Even if you aren’t acknowledged right away if appreciation is shown from you first, the other will either respond in a good way or bad. I also think alot about what I read and apply it to my own life and realize that just because I am a nice guy, that doesn’t mean I am “soft” or that I am “weak”… Neither do I have to change who I am. Eventually the one I seek will find me. Thanks for the article it was very good.
This was a great article! Wonderful tips that couples can implement right away towards improving the connection, love and support in their relationship. Personally, reading a post such as yours is a great reminder about the need to really show those that are closest to me how much I truly value them. It’s not surprising that we need to be reminded of this in light of how chaotic our world can get!
I also have a blog at http://acaringcounselor.blogspot.com/ called The Art of Intimacy, there are great tips for couples there as well. I am going to add you to my blog list!
Thanks for the great article.
thank you for this inspirational article. it has given me hope and support after a horrible experience I had.
Enjoy love whilst it lasts , love at first sight really exists , but it can vanish in the blink of an eye ! For a while I ,and I can only speak from experience, mistook lust and possession for love . This only led to jealousy , a selfish failing in the human. What would you choose to be ? Chimpanzee or Bonobo ? It`s worth looking up if you aren`t sure of the difference ! Unless you believe the creation occurred 6400years ago (approx), and condoms are a sin , despite the reduction in transmission of AIDS etc. . ABSTAIN ! personally I love my friends , some of which I enjoy an intimacy with ! We practise a mutually respectful and fulfilling , shared relationship , wishing to receive no more than we give ! LOVE AND HAPPINESS .Jon and Rosie
Nice Sharing. I love this kind of matter.
Thanks for sharing such a nice article and good strategies. I love it.
Keep it up. let us all wake up to true Love.
thank you
I think you hit the nail on the head. Good work, please keep it up.
A beautiful article!
It’s so easy to forget the person standing right beside you sometimes!
Love is one that make our live full of colour. We can be stronger and also weak because of love.
greg, alex was talkin about communication through love .. so now this blog is not talking about love (feelings) as much as it is talking about physiology.
I think Greg is right. According to me, this is only about to adjust urself with someone, to know his/her feelings or emotions and to adjust urself according to that emotions. I dont believe in it.
Awesome i am happy to see lots of people have commented here and their comments makes me more happy.( that they have realized and some are to change )
I enjoyed this article and was very touched by it but what happens when you lose yourself in a relationship? I don’t know who I am anymore!! I had so many fights over my marriage with my husband over the word “sex” and he is not satisfying me! There is also a lack of communcication I am thinking of getting out of this marriage. I am depressed in it!
Very nice post! I loved it!
Loving is different to being love. If you love somebody you are willing to submit to you husband and to love you wife. It’s agape kind of love two way. By understanding and swallowing pride is the nearest to perfection of marriage. Be a child to each other but be responsible too. Luck of intimacy to your husband is one of the breaking point and luck of loyalty to God and your will likewise dangerous to your marriage. I like your articles. Keep on posting.
Love is what you do (conscious love.)The feelings are interpretations of your doings. This is true for everything else also. Doings are the real authentic things. Feeling are imaginary. Evolution has built in us many selfish and mindless features that some are meant to destroy relationships for the sake of more varieties of offspring. Greg is an example
Thanks for the comments to Greg and the wonderful kitchen psychology explanations. Nobody really knows anyone else at the end of the day so all relationships are with yourself. wake up - be free!
I have been struggling to approach my boyfriend with how I’ve been feeling the lack of these very things coming from him. I do my very best to make sure that I place his happiness, interests and requests above my own and make a conscious effort to leave meaningful notes and give him kisses. This article really helped me be able to phrase how I wanted to approach him about my concerns and, God willing strengthen our relationship. I truly admire the part about living like its your last day and how would you treat your beloved.
@ Jennifer: Thanks for reading. Remember, your last day also belongs to you, too. Always be sure to save love for yourself.
I think that the secret to the love forever is to know to take and not to receive…
the more you take, the more you will love…
it’s like with a child…
You work a lot for him and you don’t always see a feedback from him directly.
Very lovely article.
[...] Lindsley @ 5:18 pm I stumbled upon (literally I found it in stumble upon) a great article titled How to Love Consciously. I loved what it had to say, about love and marriage. However I think that one needs to take [...]
“Nobody really knows anyone else at the end of the day so all relationships are with yourself”
This is so true! This means all conscious anything reflecting self. Love is the reflection of wanting to love more and loving more. Although feelings and doings are one and the same, the doings are the authentic thing. Feelings are the test of sincere doings. The sincerity of doings come from feelings, but at the end doing is the real thing.
In a really busy world with constant changes it is good to read something that gives you a moment to pause and reflect. A gentle reminder - am I fulfilling my part (carrying my weight) in my relationships. It does take two to tango. Thank you.
It seems we have forgotten, or blocked out with thinking, the reality that love is our natural state. Stop thinking, practice letting go of thoughts about the past or the futurem and the natural state gets revealed. When you watch TV or debate or complain or worry, you basically get you thought about the past or future re-triggered.
Love is can not be express but the more you fall the more it affect that you i dno’t known how to express myself is very intresting
Beyond “Love” is a great responsibility. For some it’s true enjoyment, for others, a burden. Be it an object, a person or an idea, Love has its purpose and its moments. Today I found myself looking for such tools from “the-art-of-patience” giving me insight of all I’ve done correctly and freely and naturally. It’s been over a year now that my separation brings me enjoyment when I wake up, I feel free. So in respect to Greg’s message I can appreciate his response, it is not arrogant, it’s spontaneous. It’s the “Love” we’ve all searched for, unconditional. Given to us by Alex is the formula to survive beyond our animal instinct making us aware and responsible for our actions. So today I will appreciate me and “Love” will find it’s way, I am patient.
Thank you for letting me share.
“I had a choice in my life, to either love or hate, and I am glad I chose love”.
Thanks for sharing.
Hello Alex,
I thought your comments were truly beautiful. I also think of everyone (not just a boyfriend) as someone that might not be here tommorrow or next week, it really helps to keep things in perspective. And although I feel for “Greg”… I can’t help but think he’s my OLD boyfriend? someone that I committed to for 6 years and he backed away because he “just couldn’t do it anymore.” He had been married and burnt twice. Probably not the same man, however the same mentality and non-committal attitude. I fell for it a long time ago and now that I’m happy and in love with someone, he has been coming around again. Go figure.. But bad news for him, this new relationship IS about committment through thick and thin and we both talk about the things that were different in each of our other relationships. This is working and it’s because we both respect and deeply care for one another. If it’s you Greg, I wish from the bottom of my heart that you will find real love. And about being free…. I’m freer then I ever was with you….
I was married for 17 years and then a second time for 5. I agree with all your points and felt I gave 100 percent but i have to agree with one of the comments about loving yourself too. Maybe that is where it all starts. Setting boundaries in relationships and not expecting relationship with one person rule your life. It’s about balance and letting God’s love shine thru u. I may not be with either partner now and may not be able to give my heart to a committed relationship either at this time but i’m always open to new friends and enjoying life and when the right person comes along and lets me be me and i let them be themselves and we just enjoy each other and not about jealousy and owning but about enjoying each other and life together and loving God together then i will be ready again. Love and blessings to
Thank you for this article, I am not in a relationship right now and have been without one for sometime now. I often wonder if I shall ever be in one again, but I also wonder if I am ready to share my life with someone new. Your article and others like it help me to reflect on my situation and in a way prepare me for my next relationship in the hope that I will bring more wisdom, tolerance and understanding to the next relationship. But also a deeper understanding of myself and consequently more love.
Thankyou again for these insights and mya you continue to be blessed with these wisdoms.
I read this blog……I found it is very balanced…..(because I write this same topic in my blog with the heart)…..but also when i read the comments of Greg. I also agreed with the his point of view.
but his not a good author, So his not mentioned that “the above thing is good but….he want to a different point of view”
when life is going smooth, there is no need to do extra affort, What you do is atomatically liked by your partner or love.
Some relations really needs co-ordination.Just to maintain that relation long innoth.
…………………………………………..
greg’s first comment looks like very powerful….”Greg’s word:–> “sounds like you have to talk yourself into believing that you love this person. as soon as you make rules about
what love is or what love in action is, it is no longer love. it is simply a ritual designed to avoid the pain of life itself. wake up and be free.
……………………………………….
Well if a relationship have no hope then leave it.
Also love Should be bidirectional. The person who follows unidirection path only gets Pain.
If you talk about your love which did not last too long. and you tried do fix it. then you should probably look for “How you fall in love” what are the cause for love” It happens automatically but there is a reason behind it.
I know that love is not the X. And it is not the reason you liked or fall in love for the first time.
It is very simple
“when you explore someone you may like that persons thought,if the person is of opossite sex then you might showed your intrest more.Its natural.in short his or her impression was so good that you falled in love.
therefore, Leave life happily as long as it goes happily. If it breaks try to fix it up. But also do care for yourself. In love don’t hurt yourself if you have Option to live a happy life.then go for it don’t hurt yourself.
the above blog is equal for lovers and copeles But is different for brokrn relationship before marrage and after marrage.
You probably follow Greg’s idea Before marrage But after marrage you must follow what the blog says.
If it did not works then “broken coples” try the Greg’s idea.
That’s all Feel Good Factor.
Hi there,
Thanks for this post. I love your focus on being more aware, more honest, more looking within rather than blaming the other person.
I write a blog with very similar ideas, blending seduction and spirituality and my own personal adventures in the land of romance. Be forewarned it can be a bit steamy!
Would love to connect with you.
Erika
p.s. my steamy blog is
www (dot) awakeningfromthedream (dot) blogspot (dot) com
I’m not that greg,,, and so i would like to add how wonderful it was to read Alex’s article about not being all about yourself but to let others know you have awakened to knowing another is there in your life and that happiness shared really can extend along way beyond just being right ! Had I not been so concerned with being right, maybe my marriage would have lasted longer. So, I too, am glad to have ’stumbled upon’ all of you ,thanks
Thanks, Alex, you gave the support that I can use daily to spread love in various ways in my family. I feel that there are two ways I can choose to view others (and myself): compassionately (Jesus Christ is my example here) or accusingly (Satan is my example). I feel that my thoughts, my words, my actions, my intentions, my attitudes and my points of view usually fall into these two pathways. I feel that I and those with which I have relationships always find happiness, progress, and fulfillment when I choose compassion; and pain, loss, and regression when I choose to accuse. Keep on giving out enlightenment! Thanks from one who keeps trying.
THANKS FOR ME .LOVE IS VERY IMPORTANT IN MY
LIFE, I OPEN RELESIONSHIP ALL OF THEM.
very good job,you do well in analysis the needs between the partners.
Very good artcle for those who are sruggleing - but what about if, in your relationship, you are at a stage where you have lost all hopes and where rift is too large to fill in by Consciously Loving? I would love to know.
@ Kaleem: Then you surrender the relationship. Put your energy in faith; not fear to hang onto the relationship no matter what.
Te?ekürler Güzel makale gercekten
Thank you for this article, I am not in a relationship right now and have been without one for sometime now. I often wonder if I shall ever be in one again, but I also wonder if I am ready to share my life with someone new. Your article and others like it help me to reflect on my situation and in a way prepare me for my next relationship in the hope that I will bring more wisdom, tolerance and understanding to the next relationship. But also a deeper understanding of myself and consequently more love.
Thankyou again for these insights and mya you continue to be blessed with these wisdoms.
I loved your short list of ways to show up every day that says “I love you.”
Thanks Alex
Blessings,
Angel
very nice
Thanks Alex
Greg is right to a degree , at the end of the day we are animals like lions , elephants etc etc we invent love to control, we are Animals, social diseases are natural instincts being repressed, by societies telling us how to behave, be yourself and not how someone says, put psychobabble bollox to the test be real be yourself
Put your energy in faith; not fear to hang onto the relationship no matter what.
I feel that I and those with which I have relationships always find happiness, progress, and fulfillment when I choose compassion; and pain, loss, and regression when I choose to accuse. Keep on giving out enlightenment! Thanks from one who keeps trying.
its amazing..that if you and your partner are not able to continue in your relationship then you should not give pain to yourself..you should always hope for the best..
wonderful article. It takes us away from this busy world to one, where we can to say the least, expect love and happiness, albeit in our imagination. To bring to reality what this article preaches would be worth aiming at.
My best wishes
I appreciate your writings. During a conscious relationship gatthering for men, we distinguished the desire to be satsified. Something not often experienced by men…well me. This journey of loving consciously has made me more aware of the little things to notice in a mate and be grateful
peace
so true, and in a matter of time , we realized that it get easier, and it feel much better,,,continu the good work
How fortunate that my first “stumbling upon” stumbleupon would be so perfectly applicable to my life at this very moment. I stand at a crossroads in my marriage where I have devoted everything I can and more, forgiven what most never would, followed my faith far beyond my intelligence, and lived by the tenatns discribed herein.
I now find that love (for another)is not enough, I must love myself as well (first). I also am a reminder that love is so dynamic, multidimensional, that we don’t simply love one, but that love impacts the love we have for all, and it must start with (me) be truely and honestly shred with (you) and radiate outward.
(whoa, deep, I know) but all the more reason that we have the cliche’s of “love yourself first”, “if you don’t have trust, you don’t have a relationship”, we must have these as a strong foundations, or the great house of cards is doomed.
I tried so hard for so long to build a strong house on a crumbling foundation, now I must start again. I pray for all who find themselves in the same need of rebuilding, and thank you Alex and ohters here, for reminding me that there really
are men who understand and appreciate the art of true construction!
[...] to successful relationship. Posted by Ashish Naik under Uncategorized No Comments A very good quote I read at How to Love ConsciouslyIf every couple understands this then their relationship will be a bliss. A [...]
[...] Posted by Ashish Naik under Uncategorized | Tags: Relationsip | No Comments A very good quote I read at How to Love ConsciouslyIf every couple understands this then their relationship will be a bliss. A [...]
Brilliant responses. To love consciously is a thing of the heart. it flows from the inside and out flows to the outside reaching whomever you so much treasured. it is - carrying your love one in your heart, never let go, proving beyound every resonable doubt that you are always there; admitting all with maxim affection and making you love one feel safe and confortable with you at all times.
Excellant keep it up
I love the love!! great description!! nice!!
THANK YOU TO ALL,NOTHING BEATS A TRUE LOVE.
“Where your heart is, there will your treasure be also.” Or was it the other way around?
Anyway I agree. All specific examples aside, nothing more meaningful than the day-to-day grind gets sustained without intention.
I also have an opposite thought that goes in the same direction. If instead of relationships ending with death, they went on for eternity, wouldn’t you want it to be as fulfilling and loving as you can for both of you? Make it worth staying together for ever, past the age of the Earth or the Sun even. Past death. Think about it.
It’s human nature to only appreciate things when we either lose them or create them. usually when we receive with no effort we don’t know how good we’ve got it.
Love is patient love is kind, it does not envy or boast, it is not jealous, it does not remember fault. It rejoices in the truth. It does not delight in evil.It always hopes, trusts and perseveres.
I don’t know it by heart, but this is my favourite writing from a good book. In all we do, we only mirror ourself. What we do to others, we do to ourself. So, if you want to be nice to yourself and buy flowers, or say lovely things, laugh a lot …..figure it out and have a real good time!
Hi, It’s amazing to go through the contents above.I need to have a real life coverage added to all these.
Really awesome blog. I enjoyed reading this review from you. I found that you really update your site regularly that made me more interesting. I’ve bookmarked your site for my future use.
Thank you
sagar
I realised that I loved my partner conciously, it`s definately the best way to truly love.