How Fear Serves You | The BridgeMaker

How Fear Serves You

By on Oct 20, 2010


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. – Marianne Williamson

Fear is all around us and part of our daily existence. We are bombarded by fear messages in our conversations, the media, advertisements, and global conditions. Fear is part of the environment and culture on the planet. The air isn’t safe, the water isn’t safe, your home needs protection, and cultures are controlled by fear through terror, rules, and restrictions.

So, it has become “normal” for you to have been conditioned to live in fear.

You’ve been brainwashed to believe you should be afraid about the future, money, relationships, health, jobs, careers, the economy, business downturns, and life survival. All of this produces sleepless nights filled with worry that may create a gloomy outlook on life.

In my practice, I continually hear people express their fears, worries and doubts about their circumstances and the future. Our mind can paint the most horrific worse case scenario that can be convincing as highly probably or likely to happen.

We are powerful story tellers and when we begin to believe and validate the things we imagine, we can lose faith, trust, and courage to show up for both the joys and bumps that make life rich and meaningful.

How to hear the voice of your heart

Last week I had a meltdown. I’ve had some minor medical challenges that have not been resolved and some business issues that have been stressful. And when I am not feeling my best and not getting adequate rest, I’m pretty reactive and cranky. My fears escalate, my self-talk turns negative.

So there I was sliding right into my victim’s role and blasting God for all the things I am unhappy about. I expect God can handle my anger when my life is feeling hard and messy. After 30 minutes of stomping around, crying, complaining, and yelling at God, I could feel the calmness spreading within me and my mind began to clear.

The release of pent up energy was so freeing because I gave myself permission to let loose in a healthy way. Then I was able to go into contemplation, prayer, and meditation to reconnect with my soul for comfort and guidance and to ask for help.

It is hard to hear the voice of your heart when you have all that noise going on in your head! When we keep things bottled up inside and don’t release it, that’s when we can create illness, physical and emotional problems.

Five ways your fear serves you

  1. Fear keeps you out of harm’s way by alerting you to danger.
  2. Fear helps you to discern when you need to set healthy boundaries.
  3. Fear supports you in developing courage to show up to life.
  4. Fear builds faith in yourself, others, and God.
  5. Fear provides motivational and inspirational energy to move forward.

It has been my experience that when you get to the heart of most fears, the greatest fear is the fear of dying. More often the fears we experience can feel enormous during periods of upheaval, change, uncertainty, and transition. This is the ego’s irrational fear of annihilation and the battle waged inside us in its struggle to survive and maintain control.

Irrational fears have their genesis from past experiences, real and imagined. Fear is generated by your ego and typically fueled by compelling illusions, anticipated outcomes, and expectations about the future.

When we are engaged in irrational fear we are not in the now. When faced with the emergence of irrational fear, having the ability to distinguish between legitimate ones can make the difference between feeling clobbered or being able to transform them with courage and clarity.

Five signs of an Irrational Fear

  • Is highly emotionally charged.
  • It has catastrophic, self-deprecating, or illusional content that diminishes centeredness and perspective.
  • It is inconsistent with the present reality.
  • It lacks gut-centered confirmation or knowingness.
  • It reflects past psychological, emotional, physical, or wounds.

Courage is not the absence of fear

Courage is about following your heart in spite of what your mind and feelings are telling you. Courage is an act of love and faith to do what is right and true for you; to be willing to do whatever it takes because you must.

Each person expresses and experiences courage differently. Courage is an internal feeling that can be powerfully directed outward in the world as an expression of your heart’s desires and soul’s intentions.

Ultimately, courage has little to do with what you might view as heroism and heroic acts and everything to do with the choices you make every moment and every day throughout the course of your life. Acts of courage can be seemingly small yet powerfull in the ways you can transform yourself and your life.

You came into this life with everything you need to fulfill your life purpose. This is truer than you may realize.

The key to transforming fear is with your relationship with your essential self and God/The Divine/ Higher Power/Source… Cultivating faith, trust, and courage is an inside job. That’s why doing the inner work is so important. If you have so much noise going on in your head, how can you hear the whispers of your heart?

When you walk in faith, trust, and courage with an open heart to share your love, gifts, and passions with the world in partnership, fear loses power to hold you back from your destiny.

Is fear inspiring more faith, trust, and courage or is it keeping you up at night with worry and doubt?
Is fear empowering you or holding you back from fulfilling your dreams and desires?
Is fear inviting connection with others or keeping love at arm’s distance?
Do you see fear as something to befriend or something to “get rid” of in your life?
Is fear giving you the courage to speak from your heart or is it silencing your voice?
Imagine partnering with your fear and dancing with the Universe to fulfill your life path……
What would be possible?
It’s all within your grasp…..
Start saying Yes and taking one step at a time…in faith, trust, and courage.

Are you ready to start living a love story?

If you are ready to finally free yourself from procrastination, fear, and ego based excuses, release the past, and align with the destiny that you came here to live, join Lorraine Cohen and her and partner Anita (Ani) Pathik Law for 13-week transformational adventure beginning November 2.

The Aligning with Destiny program will help you transform yourself and your life now. Download the preview calls with Lorraine and Anita which aired on 10/3, 10/10 and 10/19. You will also receive other helpful resources – just click here!

Lorraine Cohen is the CEO and founder of Powerfull Living. Join Lorraine on May 15 and 17 for two FREE calls: Awakening to Love: Revealing Your Courageous Heart in an Insane World. You are invited to register here.

  • I was smiling when I read your reminder that fear can be a motivator to be our best Alex. YES!!!!!! That is exactly how we can consciously use the energy of fear to overcome our resistance by choosing to be more than any emotion or belief. When fear arises we can choose to accept what we are thinking and feeling as Truth or…… take a deep breath, come back to the present moment, get centered and aligned with who we really are and take that next step in strength, trust, and courage.

    And even if there is some truth (or fact) to what we fear, we are not powerless to act and we are not alone!

    Have a great weekend Alex!

  • You are so right that our lives are conditioned with fear many of which are irrational and unnecessary.

    But some fears are needed as a motivation factor. For example, the fear of failure in exams or completing a project will push us to put our best effort and work hard.

    We have always been aware of fears lurking around and this post have given me a new perspective on it.

    Thank you, Lorraine, for such a wonderful post.

  • Hey Suzie – you are so right about loving ourselves and stepping into our power. These are times that really invite us to reclaim who we are and to go forward in faith, trust, and courage. You are a great model for that, my friend!

    What a great name – Clearly Composed. I love it. Being able to see the duality that exists offers us the choice to react to life as positive or negative or…to see that everthing is in service to our growth and evolution. When we remember that simple truth, we can let go of feeling like a victim or circumstances or our emotions and allow our inner hero, champion, lover, leader…to powerfully emerge.

    My fears still come up and can bring me to my knees. Then I can bless the fear for showing me that I have fallen asleep and need to wake up and remember who I am. It’s an ongoing journey!

  • Thanks Lorraine for one of the best articles I have read on this topic! I love how you look at fear from all sides and see how it can be used as fuel for developing courage and determination. 🙂