Conscious Connection: Face-to-Face and Heart-to-Heart
When we get too caught up in the busyness of the world, we lose connection with one another – and ourselves. – Jack Kornfield
Article written by Alex Blackwell. Image courtesy of Stacy Reeves. Be sure to check out her beautiful portfolio at www.stacyreeves.com.
I conducted a test last week. On Thursday, September 30, I tracked the number of emails I received from both my business and personal accounts. Here’s what I found:
- 81 business emails received and 33 personal emails hit my Inbox (I did not count emails landing in the Spam folders) for a total of 114 emails received in one day.
- 67% of the emails (76 out of 114) were from people within 100 feet of my office (duplicate emails from the same person were counted though).
- I replied to all 76 emails, by email.
- Somewhat related, Mary Beth received the family’s cell phone bill recently and reported Andrew sent over 5000 text messages last month. But in defense of our son, my wife and I do our fair share of text messaging, too.
- And finally: We have a television located just off the kitchen. It was turned on every night last week during dinner.
- I think you get the point now.
Video Killed the Radio Star
The Buggles, a one-hit-wonder band, released Video Killed the Radio Star 30 years ago. The lyrics were timely then and prophetic for today:
They took the credit for your second symphony.
Rewritten by machine and new technology,
and now I understand the problems you can see.
The problem The Buggles identified in 1979 was the changing appetites of music fans would soon lead them to ignore the radio art form in favor of something more visible and immediate. Once MTV hit the mainstream, radio was changed forever. The days of listening, and then bringing the lyrics to life in our minds were officially over. The scenes were created for us – all we had to do was watch.
And our appetites continue to change.
Except MTV is not the culprit this time; it’s our shift away from face-to-face contact and to virtual contact. My fear is we will begin to grow accustomed, and perhaps even more comfortable, with preferring indirect interaction to direct interaction.
My fear is the technologies we are dependent on today will kill the gift of human touch and leave our minds; once again, a little less capable of imagining a reality we are empowered to bring to life so long as we continue to work at it.
[re]Connection
The tactics for achieving reconnection are obvious: email less and talk face-to-face more; turn off the television during dinner and ask one question beyond, “How was your day?” And crave the human touch more than the satisfaction of receiving a text message.
The way we embrace, support and hold onto to one another in times of joy and sorrow makes us distinctly human. I don’t want us to lose that; I don’t want to lose that.
The path to reconnection extends well beyond email control and television rationing; the path begins and ends in our souls when we find the tenderness to make His touch bigger and more powerful through our own.
Reaching out and reconnecting is an action that doesn’t need modern technology to measure, track or make more efficient – it just needs the natural processors in our hearts to respond when they are stimulated by the pulse of another heart. When they do, a conscious connection is made.
Consider these heartfelt ways to make a conscious connection with someone you have been neglecting – perhaps for too long:
- Become more transparent.
Let the ones closest to you see the real you. When we become guarded or shut down, others can distance themselves because they see little hope of getting through.There is a difference, however, between wearing your heart on your sleeve and sharing your heart. Protect your heart from people you may not yet trust, but share your heart with the ones who deserve the privilege. Let these people know what you are thinking, feeling and hoping. Their reaction may inspire you to continue filling your heart with the things that make your stronger and more alive.
- Connect with faith.
Share your faith in the small things as well as the large. Demonstrate your faithfulness to a cause or belief by staying positive and sincere; even during difficult times.Faith is something we can pass along to others without emptying it for ourselves.
- Treat others with respect and dignity.
A simple way to push someone away is to be condescending or disrespectful. Why is it we are sometimes nicer and more accommodating to strangers or workplace acquaintances than we are to our own family?Show respect to all and save the same measure of respect and dignity for the ones closest to your heart. It is these people who stand by us and depend on our love and nurturing to be returned. If you have missed a recent opportunity to return the love, show respect by returning it today.
- Share passion.
Get the passion going again by sharing what your love. The connection with another can grow deeper roots when passion is used to nurture the relationship.Share your love for a special book, a moment of self-realization, or a great hamburger. Share. Get excited and watch passion build a bridge connecting your heart to another.
- Give hope.
These four words, “You can do it,” when spoken, can be a difference-maker in someone’s life. Your encouragement can lift someone from a low and desperate place and begin to ignite their spirit and fill them with confidence and refreshing hope.Giving, and receiving, hope reminds us we are responsible not only for the physical care of others, but the emotional care as well. There can be no better connection than filling the heart, body and soul of another person with hope.
- Forgive quickly, move on and don’t punish.
Holding on to anger and resentment can erode even the strongest of connections. When we are angered and frustrated by the actions of someone else, find it in your heart to forgive quickly so you can move on and turn the focus back to what you can do to improve the relationship (when appropriate and safe to do so), and then the connection.My wife and I get into arguments just like any other couple. Typically the source of conflict is over a trivial matter. She may anger me and I know I frustrate her. However, there is no price to pay or punishment issued because we give each other a little time and space to repair the connection and start it over again.
Find the good
My son recently came to me with a problem. We chatted briefly and I gave him some advice and encouragement. The next morning when I was in my office starting the day, I sent a short text message to let my son know I was thinking of him.
He replied back. In that instance, I’m glad we have tools to reach out to anyone at any time. I like being able to stay connected with my older daughter through Facebook and Mary Beth and I trade emails daily about who is doing what chore or errand that day. If you think about it, the technology we have is not the culprit; it’s how we use the technology that can become problematic, and at times, impersonal.
It’s easy to stop trying, cash it in, and do whatever is easiest or doesn’t require thought. We know (most have a six sense), when someone gives up on us. There is an emptiness in their look and limpness in their touch.
Conscious connection doesn’t require much effort either – it only takes the desire to reach out and do so. Shut down the computer, turn off the television, and silence the cell phone. Give your eyes, your attention and your heart to the person standing right in front of you. Find the good in the moment and a connection will follow.
Take full credit for your second symphony; your masterpiece, your life. Do not allow any form of technology to disconnect you from it.
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Comments
9 Responses to “Conscious Connection: Face-to-Face and Heart-to-Heart”
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I think you’ve hit it spot-on about how the technology can *support* good relationships when we use it right.
Our TV signal comes through the computer, which is a blessing in disguise: we have to consciously sit down and choose to watch something. As a teenager, I ended up watching far too much TV that I didn’t even enjoy, just because someone else had the TV on. I’ve nothing against TV in general — it’s great if it’s a conscious choice — but it can end up being yet another piece of background chatter and mental clutter.
In the internet age, it is easy for us to hide behind our monitor and moreover, the words that we put in front of other people. I enjoyed how you say to become more transparent and let others see the real you.
This lessons the mysteriousness of the other person and allows us to see each other as close friends rather than distant strangers, resulting in a better conscious connection between people that are hundreds of miles alway from each other.
@ Ali: Agreed, TV in small, managed doses can be a lot of fun. But like other things, we can overload on TV watching if we are not careful.
@ Tristan: Well-stated Tristan – you made the point better than I did!
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Oh…I love the one on “transparency.” To me…that’s the biggest deal around. We are all so shell-shocked, hiding from things on the outside and things on our insides, resisting everything: Feelings, offers, love, challenge…and each other. Just to put whatever it is we’re doing down and look at each other and smile…how amazing. Sarah
Because my work is all virtual and my coaching is wholly email-based, I make sure that I spend a good portion of my day talking to people in real life. This also helps me stay connected to my life here in Spain, which I could easily neglect if I focused on my virtual existence.
@ Sarah: Yes, when I show the real me, the real “Alex” to the world then I receive more of what I really want.
@ Alex: Sounds like you are striking a good balance.
Hello from Russia!
Can I quote a post in your blog with the link to you?