The BridgeMaker » Stories of Change

Let Go of Control: How to Make a Difference

Suzanne Grenager — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 02:12:54 +0000

It’s worth waiting for the thing that is worthy of us. – Suzanne Grenager

Article written by Susanne Grenager, author of Bare Naked at the Reality Dance

Editor’s note: Scroll down to learn how you can win a free copy of Susanne Grenager’s book Bare Naked at the Reality Dance. Reading by email? Click here to visit the site to participate.

Years ago I wrote and, with great trepidation, mailed a much-labored-over book proposal to a renowned New York book editor. I had met her quite unexpectedly over the coffee urn at a wedding brunch, where she’d expressed interest in my work. I was sure that what seemed like a wildly serendipitous cup of Joe moment spelled imminent publication of the book I’d long felt destined to write.

Getting a top editor’s attention without being over-the-top famous or, better yet, infamous, is a rare and beautiful thing. So I rejoiced when the prominent woman liked my words.

Her surprising offer to help me find the literary agent she insisted I bring to her table, assured me I was the blessed one. But after several months pursuing agents, I walked away. And boy I am I’m glad I did!

Why did I walk away? And why I am glad?

I walked away because I was letting the process of trying and failing to find an agent sicken and disempower me. As much as I thought I wanted a deal, I simply couldn’t stand the trepidation and rejection it was taking to get it.

Even then I knew it made zero sense—and was out of integrity—to kill myself with distress over a book I was calling Relax, Trust, Love. .

I am glad because that proposal, I learned only years later, was for a book far less significant and inspiring than the one I was really supposed to write.

We cannot give what we do not have.

A decade intervened between the proposal for Relax, Trust, Love (eerily akin to Eat Pray Love, which came later) and the writing for the very different book I just published—no agent or New York House involved. And in the interim, I got to do the deep personal work required to make me better able to relax, trust and love myself, in the face of the ups and downs of the author path.

Most critically, the inspired—and I trust, inspiring—words I began writing in 2004 would almost certainly not have come through the women I’d have been if I’d been out basking in the success (or home nursing the failure) of an earlier book.

To write the book I was meant to write, I had to strip down and step up to face my gods and demons, bravely and quietly, for as long as it took.

We cannot give what we do not have.

I want to inspire us all to relax, trust and love our dear selves—so we can make the singular difference we, and the world, are dying for us to make.

To do that for you, I first had to do that for me. If Bare Naked at the Reality Dance sells well, terrific. If it doesn’t, at least I’ll know I was willing to wait till I could do what I’m here to do, without selling myself or my wellbeing short.

The Giveaway

Share in Comments below what your heart is calling you to do. What is your plan to make a difference – write a book, make a movie, raise a family, etc.? You can also share a quote that speaks to the power you have to make a difference. Reading by email? Just click here to visit the site so you can leave a comment, too!

You can enter until midnight Central Standard Time on Sunday, February 5.

More from Suzanne Grenager

Suzanne Selby Grenager is the author of Bare Naked at the Reality Dance, a real-time look at the guts it takes to strip down, step up and make the difference we’re all born and dying to make. A former Philadelphia Inquirer columnist, published in Yoga Journal, Suzanne was an early Kripalu Yoga teacher and leader and is certified in the body-mind-spirit Rubenfeld Synergy Method. She hopes you’ll enjoy audio clips and PDF downloads of Bare Naked at www.suzannegrenager.com.

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29 Simple Ways to Energize Yourself

Alex Blackwell — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 17:00:34 +0000

The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled. – Plutarch

The winter doldrums are here.

With more than two months of winter remaining, plus an extra day because of the leap year, spring seems so far away.

Cold weather, gray skies and navigating icy sidewalks can drain our energy. The “I-can’t-wait-for-winter-to-end” sentiment can lead to feeling sluggish and uninspired. Sometimes our moods are just like the weather outside, gloomy.

For some, the cold weather can trigger a more serious reaction to winter, a condition called seasonal affective disorder (SAD). Symptoms of SAD, which can include anxiety, oversleeping, social isolation and weight gain, can be the most severe during this time of the year.

But, there’s hope. We can find relief by opening our minds and hearts to breaking out of old routines and doing things differently. In honor of leap year (might as well embrace the extra winter day), here are 29 simple ways to energize yourself whether you suffer from milder symptoms of affective seasonal disorder or a passing case of the winter doldrums.

Plan to do more with your friends, not less. Social support can help fend off those winter blues.
Go outside, even if it’s cold, and take in some fresh air.
Turn around your negative mood by focusing on the things you are grateful for in life.
Connect your mind and body through exercise or yoga. This will reduce stress, and improve your energy and clarity.
Reconnect with your life’s passion. Don’t allow winter’s harshness to hold down your dreams.
Treat yourself and do something you enjoy – a weekend trip with your partner, a day at the spa or enjoying a concert.
Rather than feeling discouraged if you have fallen off your New Year resolutions, follow your intuition instead. Let your intuition guide you to where you need to go next, and to the newfound energy waiting there.
Allow the light to shine. Open the curtains and let the sun cover you with its energizing warmth.
Change your thoughts. Negative thinking, “Winter is never going to end,” can be replaced with a more positive outlook, “Spring will be here soon, and I can’t wait.”
Fill your home with fresh, bright flowers.
Reflect on the blessings in your life and remember to bless others, too.
Keep a watchful eye on your addictions and ask for help if they seem to be gaining strength during this time of year.
Daydream more.
Perform a good deed; an act of random kindness, and then take in the warmth that is made.
Stick to a healthy diet that is aligned with your budget and food preferences.
Seek good sleep. Find the balance between oversleeping and not getting enough rest. Listen to your body each morning, it will tell you what you need.
Wrap your hands, and spirit, around warm drinks: tea, coffee, lattes and hot chocolate.
Listen to motivational music.
Find contentment in the present moment, no matter how dreary it may feel.
Simply breathe. Shut down your computer, turn off the television and close your eyes for sixty seconds and then listen to the energy pulsing through your body.
Clear the clutter from your home, car and office to allow the positive energy to flow.
Learn something exciting by starting a new hobby.
Pick up a book and energize your imagination.
Start each day by reading an inspirational quote.
Spend less time focused on your children and more time on your spouse. Chances are good your children are getting what they need. Fall into the arms of your partner and stay connected with your love’s energy.
Stay clear of toxic, negative-thinking people.
Drink plenty of water. The heat source in your home can be as dehydrating as a 90-degree day. Water can provide an instant burst of energy.
Join a cause or volunteer to be a mentor.
Smile and enjoy the sound of your laughter.

Free checklist to energize your life

Do you want an amazing, fulfilled and high-quality life? Download this free checklist, 100 Element of a Bold and Happy Life, and begin improving, and energizing, your life today.

Share your energy

How do you energize yourself? Please share in Comments below how you beat the winter doldrums. Reading by email? Click here to visit the blog and share your energy!

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The Journey to Becoming Ourselves

Alex Blackwell — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 17:16:53 +0000

The journey is the reward. – Chinese Proverb

Life is a remarkable journey that is travelled no matter if we like the road conditions, or not.

And even though our journeys may take separate paths, I think most of us want the some things in life – we want to be loved, to be happy and to make the most of the time we have.

By sharing our journeys, we provide inspiration, hope and a sense of connectedness that goes beyond how we might otherwise see each other. Simply put, the journey to becoming ourselves is a little less intimidating, and a little more empowering when it is shared. There’s strength in numbers and the collective wisdom of many is more enlightening than the singular wisdom of one.

So, here’s my journey. I share it minus the millions of details that I could have added, but as a properly-sized window into my life so you won’t feel alone as you continue on your own special, beautiful journey – road hazards and all.

The journey to becoming me

One advantage of approaching middle age is I’m learning how to trace my life back to the times, places and events that shaped me into the person I once was; and to the person I am becoming today. While painful, this journey is also incredibly freeing.

When I look back now, with time’s healing grace, I see a young child who never really had a chance.

My family lived in an old log house where the curtains would close at 3 o’clock every afternoon so my mother could attend to her daily ritual. The only thing that wasn’t certain was if her glass would be full of bourbon or rum. My father would bring home both, just in case.

At the age of six I developed a stuttering problem so pronounced that my school brought in a speech therapist to work with me. I saw the therapist for the next eight years. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I also had to start wearing eyeglasses. So there I was – a first grader who couldn’t see without the help of Coke-bottle sized eyeglasses and who couldn’t finish a sentence.

Both circumstances made me a target for the playground bullies. Their words wounded my soul. I can still hear their taunting when someone is being critical of my work. And with agonizing clarity, I can still remember what it felt like to be on the edge of the playground, alone, and left out.

A blessing and a curse
But in a stroke of bittersweet irony, the pain I endured as a child has proven to be a both blessing and a curse.

The blessing manifested itself by a passion to make something of my life – to improve myself. My frustration with my situation at home and at school made me determined, if not obsessed; to make certain my life mattered.

I wore my past as a badge of protest and, perhaps, entitlement. My past clouded me and it controlled me.

Later in life, my past did eventually curse me.

I was resolved to do things that separated me from my past. I worked full-time in college while taking a full course load. I was afraid if I didn’t push myself then I couldn’t escape the world I despised.

The price for this overachievement was high. It was paid in few meaningful friendships, no spiritual connection, and the failure to notice or appreciate the simple things in life.

The price of success
After college, marriage soon followed. I was teaching high school English when Mary Beth and I had our first child. After our son was born, it become clear that the financial goals I had set for myself in college were not achievable on a teacher’s salary, so I quit my job and accepted a sales position with a publishing company.

Early in my sales career the only thing that mattered to me was my personal success. The scars of my past commanded me to keep a singular focus on what I thought was important so old wounds wouldn’t open and ooze doubt and shame onto my fragile self-confidence.

Rather than focusing in meaningful relationships, I sought solace in my work.

A turning point
This was the sum of life until the summer of 2003 when I turned 41. Separated from my wife, emotionally distanced from my children and alienated from God, my life was in emotional and spiritual decay.

My self-confidence had retreated all the way back to the time when I was a six-year-old boy teased for being a “four-eyes” who couldn’t finish a sentence.

Then a true miracle happened. In an effort to save my family, my marriage, and myself, I attended my first Breakthrough seminar. These seminars focused on a very simple truth: You cannot change or heal what you do not acknowledge.

Before attending the seminar, I didn’t realize it wasn’t the teasing I received as a child or the ineffectiveness of my parents that contributed to my disconnectedness. I learned it was my responsibility to become a whole person, to become a whole man with a whole heart, regardless of the circumstances I encountered along the way.

I learned if my heart was going to connect with the hearts of others, I had to be the one to connect it. I learned it was up to me to create the life I want.

Now, almost nine years later I can say I have found my heart; I have rescued the little boy who was hiding behind the drawn curtains and I’m learning that on the days when I’m not feeling confident, at least I have the awareness to ask, “What would a confident man do?”

While the road conditions have improved, the journey to becoming me is still underway. I will continue to share it on this blog as a way to connect with others who want to walk me.

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How Bad Do You Want It?

Jarrod Clark — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 01:58:40 +0000

When the world says, ‘Give up,’ Hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time.’ – Author Unknown

Article written by contributor Jarrod Clark of Optimistic Journey.

Once again, we’ve entered into a season of new beginnings, and we’re facing the same yearly traditions. Many people are reflecting. Some are letting go of things. And others are making plans to set resolutions and bring about positive change into their everyday lives.

It’s great to set goals and resolutions for the future. But what happens if you slip off? What happens when things don’t go the way you want them to? What happens when unexpected obstacles come along the way? Do you forfeit your resolutions until next year?

These are all questions that we should ask ourselves. But what’s more important, are the answers we come up with.

How bad do you want it?

You see, there’s nothing wrong with setting a resolution.

But the trick is to be persistent and disciplined enough to keep on keepin’ on when the goin’ gets tough. If an unexpected challenge poses a threat, that’s okay. Don’t let that keep you from making remarkable accomplishments. Be persistent; keep pressing forward with the end result in mind.

I heard a wise person say, “If you want it bad enough, you’ll get it.” This poses another question. The question I’m asking you is: How bad do you want it?

If you want it bad enough, you’ll let nothing stop you. If you want it bad enough, you’ll defy all odds.

Know today that you’re equipped, empowered, and strengthened to do anything you set your mind to do. If an obstacle or setback arises right now, don’t wait until the 2013 circles around before you start again. Instead, pick it back up the next day. If you stumble on the next day, pick it up again the day after.

The key

Maybe you want to lose weight and get in shape this year.

If a two or three week gap goes by and you stumble on your diet and exercise, that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It simply means you’ve faced opposition along the way. Simply pick it up again at the next opportune time.

But be disciplined enough to push yourself and not settle for excuses.

Maybe you want to start a business. If you face a few closed doors and things don’t add up, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. No, that’s an opportunity for you to exercise what I like to call “stick-to-it-tiveness.” That means you’re persistent, determined and dedicated to keep at it until you persevere.

In life, there will always be opposition. The key is to be determined.

Don’t let a setback keep you from your God-given destiny. Don’t allow disadvantages or challenges cause you to throw in the towel.

Instead, be persistent and take faith-filled actions, and you’ll see positive change happen as you charge forth on your journey of life!

I’d love to hear from you. What are some resolutions that you plan on executing in this New Year? Share in Comments below! Reading by email? Visit the blog to leave your resolution!

More from Jarrod Clark

Jarrod Clark is the author and founder of OptimisticJourney.com where he provides inspirational messages for maintaining an optimistic outlook on life. He writes from a place of life experiences, trials he’s faced, and failures and successes that he’s encountered, and uses the inspiration obtained during those storms and shares it with you.

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Giveaway: Enjoy Every Sandwich – Living Each Day As If It Were Your Last

Alex Blackwell — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 17:27:42 +0000

Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely. – Buddha

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Living Each Day as If It Were Your Last by Dr. Lee Lipsenthal delivers a simple, but powerful message: Be grateful for something every day, and remember to live fully, love well, and enjoy every moment.

Lee worked at the well-known Preventive Medicine Research Institute. As medical director of the Institute, he helped thousands of patients to overcome their fear of pain and death and to embrace living life with joy every day.

In his own life, happily married and the proud father of two remarkable children, Lee was similarly committed to living life fully and gratefully each day.

Lee’s beliefs were tested in July 2009, when he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer.

As Lee and his wife, Kathy, navigated his illness and treatment over the past two years, he discovered that he did not fear death. Instead of fearing the future, he took the time to practice gratitude, connect with his loved ones, and make every attempt to live a full life with each breath.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Living Each Day as If It Were Your Last is Lee’s lasting gift to his family, his friends, his colleagues and to each of us.

Lee Lipsenthal died on Tuesday, September 20, 2011. It is now my honor to spread Lee’s message with this special book.

The Giveaway

There are two ways you can win 1 of 3 copies of this life-giving book:
1. Share how you make every moment (and every sandwich) count in Comments below. This can be how you show gratitude or connect with loved ones every day. You can also share a quote that reminds you of the preciousness of every moment. Reading by email? Just click here to visit the blog so you can leave a comment, too!
2. Tweet: RT @thebridgemaker @EESandwich Giveaway: Enjoy Every Sandwich: Living Each Day As If It Were Your Last http://www.thebridgemaker.com/enjoy-every-sandwich/

You can enter until midnight Central Standard Time on Thursday, January 19.

Update: The winners for this giveaway have been chosen. Subscribe to The BridgeMaker to receive twice-weekly emails to learn about future giveaways!
The winners:
- Raquel
- Moushira
- J

Personal reflections

I’m contacted weekly from book publicists asking me to review a book they are promoting. Because of other time commitments, I politely decline most of the requests. Other times when I agree to receive a copy, I will write back informing the publicist the book did not resonate with me.

When I received Enjoy Every Sandwich: Living Each Day as If It Were Your Last I knew after reading the first chapter the book was special.

Lee’s natural and honest writing style made me feel like he was talking to me. However, what touched me most, beyond the book’s powerful message, was realizing Lee Lipsenthal was no longer with us. This made the book more special and filled with deeper meaning.

I got the sense Lee meant every word. Moreover, he wasn’t trying to motivate through his story; he was trying to comfort us, even though he was the one facing death.

Beyond connecting with the central theme – live each day as it if were your last, I also connected with three other powerful messages Lee shares:
1. Write down three things you are grateful for, each day.

I found that if each night I wrote down three things that I was grateful for, each day was filled with more fun and joy. Fear and anxiety began to fade. ~ Lee Lipsenthal

2. The goal in life is not in the doing but in the being.

Before enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. ~ Buddhist proverb

3. Today should be a good day to day.

This is a Native American expression used in battle. Today I die for a good cause, but it can also mean that if each of our days is lived fully, without remorse, with love and service, any day is a good day to die. ~ Lee Lipsentha

Even though I read the book in one afternoon, its meaning will stay with me forever.

Learn more about Enjoy Every Sandwich

Read
Read more about Enjoy Every Sandwich: Living Each Day as If It Were Your Last on Amazon.

Watch

Visit
Visit Enjoy Every Sandwich to read a book excerpt.

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