As long as there is love and memory, there is no true loss. – Cassandra Clare
Seeing the lilies nudge up from the cold earth helps me remember your birthday will be here soon. The sign of spring is comforting to see.
Spring reminds me of you Brother. I believe it learned how to spread hope from you.
Since you’ve been gone I’ve noticed the winters are getting harder. You may not believe this, but the cold affects me now. I remember when we worked the morning newspaper route together. Moving from house to house didn’t bother me when we were kids. No gloves and maybe a jacket, I felt alive as my warm breath rushed out of my mouth and nose.
Now if the temperature falls below 70, I’m looking for a hat, coat and gloves. It is funny how getting older changes us by presenting a version of ourselves we didn’t expect.
But spotting the lilies was good to see because I really need you to be with me.
Everything is great with Mary Beth and kids, it’s just that I feel a little lost right now. I’m worried that I’m spending so much time on what’s necessary that I’m not doing the things that are important. I wonder what my legacy will be or if I will ever live on purpose – whatever that is.
I worry that always looking for peace is the thing that will keep me from finding it. I worry that my blog is dying. My passion for it has faded and I think my readers have noticed. It’s not that I don’t care anymore, it’s just that I’m so tired.
I need spring to come to me. I need it to fill me up with a renewed passion so I can shake off the cold and find the path that was made for me. I need to call you one more time so I can remember what hope sounds like.
We know that won’t happen again, at least not here.
Brother, I would love to give you the best of me on your birthday. But there are more cold days ahead to get through. So, I will look for you in the lilies and tree blossoms. I will hear you when the thunderstorms return and I will feel you when the sun warms my body and helps me feel young again.
Love you always,