Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic – you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner. – Jerry Seinfeld
Some days I wish there was a book – a reference manual on how to be a better husband. Even with 29 years of practice under my belt, there are some days when I still get it wrong.
Saying the wrong things, not recognizing the cues, or being unaware of what’s needed all contribute to falling short sometimes. It’s not that I’m trying to be a perfect husband; it’s just that I’m trying to be the best husband I can for Mary Beth.
My wife deserves the best of me because I see her trying to give the best of her every day. With more years ahead of us, I’m not finished working on the things that need my attention so the time we have left is filled with more happiness, friendship and love.
Inspire Your Marriage
Whether you’re a husband looking to make some improvements or a wife searching for tips to share, I hope these 10 ways to be a better husband helps your marriage grow and last a lifetime, too:
- Perform one act of kindness every day. Do something special – something unexpected like taking care of a household chore your wife doesn’t like doing or bringing her lunch. You can also speak kindness with a thoughtful compliment or by expressing gratitude for what she is giving you.
- Show more acceptance and less judgment. Accept what your wife likes to do on a lazy weekend morning; or the time she spends on the telephone catching up with friends and family; or the hobbies that fuel her passion. Keep your critical comments quiet, resist the urge to judge and accept your wife’s habits (and quirks) because they make her into the beautiful person you fall in love with.
- Listen. Really listen. Be fully present when your wife needs you. Put down the smartphone or mute the television. Give her your full attention and then open your heart to take in the words she needs you to hear.
- Celebrate with your wife. When she accomplishes an important goal; receives a good review at work or solves a difficult challenge, give your wife the spotlight. Let her know how happy and proud you are of her.
- Show respect. The way to showing the greatest amount of respect is by doing the smallest things, like: Keep your promises. Be on time when your wife is expecting you. Honor her boundaries. Offer to do what is hard. And always tell the truth.
- Let your wife soar. Encourage your wife to pursue her passions. Give her the space to seek her heart’s desire. Put the wings on her back and let her soar. When you cheer on your wife and inspire her to build a life separate from the life you share together then an amazing thing happens – the life you share becomes even more deeply connected.
- Take the 30-Day Intimacy Challenge. Here’s the deal guys – if you want more sex you need to ask for less sex. Counterintuitive I know, but when you surrender control and let your wife approach you, then the results end up being more of what you are looking for. Try this approach for 30 days and watch your intimacy improve both in quantity and quality.
- Find the middle ground. Would you rather be right and win the argument, or you would rather by happy? In my marriage, 90% of our arguments can be resolved by finding the middle ground. I’ve learned it’s more important to compromise and adjust expectations. The feeling of “winning” the argument is temporary, while the sense of connection by finding a way to solve the problem together lasts much longer.
- Live the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule in marriage is simple: Never threaten, hit or verbally abuse your wife – never. No matter the transgression, realize you do other options to respond. Once the Golden Rule is violated, it can never be restored.
- Do the small things. Yes, flowers on her birthday are nice, but it’s doing a few of the small things on the other days that make your wife feel special, too. Things like giving her the night off from kids and homework; preparing her favorite breakfast or buying tickets to her must-see concert let her know that you’re thinking of her on the ordinary Tuesdays just as much as you do on the special-occasion days.
More on Love and Marriage
Here are five more posts to inspire you to take action on having a great marriage. Enjoy!