10 Things You Wish You Had Never Learned
“True knowledge lies in knowing how to live.” - Baltasar Gracin
At first glance this idea, to identity 10 things you wish you had never learned, may seem like negative or backwards thinking. Personal growth and self-awareness should only focus on the positive – right? However, you must first acknowledge what you want to change or heal before real growth can occur. We have all learned from the negative thoughts and experiences which have contributed to defining who we are today.
At times, we have learned to what amounts to be garbage about ourselves, our loved ones and about our role, identity and place in this world. There is no filter that has been built around us to sift through the trash we sometimes absorb.
Therefore, it is important to be your own filter. It is important to see what is working for you in your life right now and to keep doing more of that. It is also important to recognize what is not working for you and do your best to rid yourself of this garbage.
What we think to be true; what we think we know; what we have learned can be counterproductive to our personal growth, success and happiness. Especially if what we have learned is keeping us from having the intimate relationships and personal satisfaction we deserve.
It has taken me my whole life to figure out what I wish I had never learned. I’m sure I will be adding to this list for many more years to come.
1. I wish I had never learned that I’m not worthy to have what I want.
2. I wish I had never learned that it’s waste of time to be spiritual and to worship.
3. I wish I had never learned how to be smoke and mirrors.
4. I wish I had never learned that I could change my situation by being perfect.
5. I wish I had never learned that wearing eyeglasses is a sign of weakness.
6. I wish I had never learned that I my value was determined by others.
7. I wish I had never learned that being confident and secure was only a myth.
8. I wish I had never learned that sex equals intimacy.
9. I wish I had never learned that speaking up for my needs was a waste of time.
10. I wish I had never learned that I wasn’t enough.
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Comments
57 Responses to “10 Things You Wish You Had Never Learned”
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I love the ownership aspect of this process - truly, writing a list like this does make us own the “garbage” we’ve collected - from family, from society, from collective consciousness - and take it to the dump!
I personally wish I’d never learned that I have only one talent. It took me way longer than necessary to embrace the others.
Blessings,
Andrea
Hmm, things I wish I’d never learned. What a fun way to unearth negative beliefs. Thanks!
What a great post!
1. I wish I had never learned that crying and emotions (other than anger) were a sign of weakness.
2. I wish I had never learned that college would answer all of life’s questions for me (because when it didn’t I was very disappointed).
3. I wish I had never learned that my parents knew everything and that “because I said so” was a legitimate reason for listening to them.
I wish I had never learned that knowledge is the answer to all my desires
I wish I had never learned that failure is an option
I wish I had never learned that I need others’ approval to think highly of myself.
ronit
RonitBaras.com
I wish I had never learned that I need a man to be complete.
I wish I had never learned that it wasn’t good enough for me to be who I really am.
I wish I had never learned that having a positive self-image meant you where stuck up.
I wish that I had never learned that good girls don’t get angry.
I wish that I had never learned that you have to be perfect to be loved.
I wish that I had never learned that men want only one thing from women—sex.
I wish that I had never learned that I didn’t have value.
I wish that I had never learned that it was not ok to be me.
I wish that I had never learned that sex equals love.
I wish that I had never learned that the world is not a safe place.
I wish that I had never learned to put the feelings of others above my own feelings.
Patricia - thank you very much for sharing.
Alex, after reading your article, I wrote my own linking it back to yours. You will find my article at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/12/limiting-beliefs-may-be-holding-you.html
Wow…this is powerful!!
I wish I hadn’t learned that my I needed to settle for something logical and sensible - because my dreams weren’t realistic.
I wish I hadn’t learned that love is painful and the only way to get along is to never trust anyone.
I wish I hadnt learned that I’m not “pretty enough”, “smart enough”, “thin enough” to do the things I dreamed.
Thank you for the list!
I agree with everything but the sex
I wish I’d never learnt that I had to allow the bossiest members of my family to dictate to everyone else!
I wish I had never learned that relationships required monogamy.
I wish I had never learned that marriage was important.
I wish I had never learned jealousy.
I wish I had never learned to fear my own desires.
I wish I had never learned procrastination.
I wish I had never learned to ignore
Red - thanks for sharing. We can learn by others!
It is true that we must UNLEARN alot of things that we were taught as kids - especially ideas of limitations and/or lack. Such is the challenge of the New Age Movement, to grow along with and into the limitless cosmos in which we live. Superb article! Regards, Keith Johnson, Author “365 Great Affirmations”
Thank you Keith for your observations and support.
I’m not sure how to phrase this in the same way … but I learned from my father that working hard, long hours is the job of The Dad, to the neglect of the kids and the wife … and I am glad that I began to unlearn it before it was completely too late;
I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would love my wife so much more after fifty years … magic.
Tony - thank you for sharing the magic!
I wish I had never learned that I’m mortal.
I wish I’d never learned that I’m not good enough.
I wish I’d never learned that escape and avoidance were effective ways of coping.
I wish I’d never learned to focus on my fears.
1. I wish I never learned that the only way to be deemed successful is to have a job.
2. I wish I never learned that I have to be perfect to be accepted.
3. I wish I never learned that my needs and desires are not important.
4. I wish I never learned that an interest in art cannot make me money or that it can be put to good use.
5. I wish I never learned that spirituality is not an important part to life.
I wish I never learned the pain you will experience when dealing with Infertility.
Hmm, interesting.
I wish I’d never learned that being negative keeps you safe, that expecting things to go wrong means you’ll be right most of the time, and if you’re wrong, well so much the better.
I wish I’d never learned to put up walls to protect myself, for others to jump over to get to me.
I wish I’d never learned that the glass is half empty and half full
This is a great tool for self-discovery. I’ve created a post on my blog of my own list with a link back here.
I wish I never learned striving for excellence wasn’t the norm.
I wish I never learned the end of joy filled moments.
I wish I never learned that life is temporary.
I wish I never learned how to stop believing.
I wish I never learned to expect less from life than the best.
I wish I never learned how not to communicate.
I wish I never learned to speak more than to listen.
I wish I never learned any negative thoughts.
I wish I never learned to be untrue to myself.
I wish I never learned all the things I wish I never learned.
http://www.successchronicle.com/i-wish-i-never-learned/
[...] Inspiration) by Tray Gamble on 06-03-2008 This post was inspired by Alex Blackwell at thenext45years with much appreciation. I found it to be such a great tool for self-discovery and acknowledgment of [...]
We become wise by experiencing the things we wish we had never learned, and they are an important part of our growth and development as human beings.
The innocence of childhood is lovely, but would you really choose to erase the life lessons learned along the way?
It is the peaks and valleys filled with both pain and joy that make up the full experience of this thing called life.
Noa,
For me, my 10 things have limited me and kept me from fully loving myself, and life. But you make a good point, there are no accidents without value. A big piece of who I am today is a result of these things.
Alex
I wish I had never learned to doubt.
I with I had never learned that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
I wish I had never learned that everything happens for a reason.
Hi Alex and others,
A valid point is made for self-acceptance and experiences contributing to who we are as individuals. Whether those experiences added value to our lives, and who we ultimately became or detracted from them is quite another matter.
I’m sure few of us would blindly trade our life experiences for those of another, and what makes one person weak, may indeed make another stronger.
True wisdom I suppose does comes from taking the experiences of life, good or bad, and using the lessons learned for the betterment of your life and the lives of others. That way, even our lesser desired experiences can contribute to our growth with positive outcomes.
1. I learned to never consider marriage
2. To hold back a climax
3. To look down
4. That I am disqualified
5. To walk outside the circle of normal society
6. To not give myself a chance to love
7. To not belive in myself
8. To believe I can’t be loved
9. To be embarrassed
10. That it is never my turn
Just new to the site, it’s great! Thanks.
1. I wish I had never learned that it was safe to put painful experiences in the depths of my mind.
2. I wish I had never learned that crying shows weakness and results in nothing.
3. I wish I had never learned that love causes intense pain.
4. I wish I had never learned that childhood experiences could dictate self-worth and self-hate.
5. I wish I had never learned that self-worth was created and measured by others.
6. I wish I had never learned that destructive behavior in any form was so useful and the result is so worthless and emotionally exhausting.
7. I wish I had never learned that the statement, “I’m fine” was an accurate, easy answer.
8. I wish I had never learned that the people who may have loved you the most - really didn’t.
how thought provoking! i never thought of this before.. this article is really inspiring!
1. I wish i had never learned that having a boyfriend at a very early age was ok.
2. I wish i had never learned that it’s better to keep your thoughts to yourself.
3. I wish i had never learned that being contented (with what u have and what u know) is fair enough.
I wish I had never learned that asking for help is a sign of weakness and therefore not OK.
I wish that I had never learned that getting hurt was something to be avoided at all cost.
I wish that I had never learned that “all (wo)men are islands”.
I wish that I had never learned that the world is a scary place where risk and vulnerability define the experience of living.
I wish that I had never learned happiness was out of my reach forever.
This is a sweet site. Glad my friend send me the link.
R.Standridge - your wishes had impact.
for me, it is much easier to read these without the “I wish that I had never Learned…” because I lose interest (with repitition) before I get to the punch line.
And although I feel as Noa Rose does, that without darkness there is no light and so there’s not a lot that I would change, there are a few lessons I could have done without;
LIke;
I can never completely trust a man,
friends don’t always stay that way,
People are often cruel,
sometimes I lose interest before the punch line
[...] beliefs are huge stumbling blocks and you must let them go in order to move one. This blog post, 10 Things You Wish You Had Never Learned, and its comments section will get you to thinking about your own negative beliefs and how important it is to let them go. [...]
I just discovered this website. Thanks for the list, it does resonate with me. I’ve been on a personal journey of transformation for the past year. My journey took me from OH to AZ which some may feel is extreme, but it is was my path to follow. I’ve been reading books and listening to programs such as Hay House Radio and Oprah’s Soul Series. I definitely have a better understanding of the ego.
Thanks again for the list. I think I will “surf” around the website.
Now that I know what it is that I have learned that I wish I had not learned, I can use this information to turn my life in a direction that teaches me new things about myself.
Can I learn that I was created in the image of God and to feel compassion for my fellow human being as well as myself and learn to suffer only for that which is worthy of suffering.
I need not suffer for learning these things for they are not unnecessarily the truth. If I am always seeking the truth that which is false will not matter. Perhaps if I can see the part of myself that was created in the image of God I can show others how to also see that in themselves and together we can go on to know the truth.
welcome back alex!
Hi Alex
Great to have you back and this is a great article. It really takes me to new levels of awareness and I love the concept.
I wish I had never learned:
1. That external beauty equals happiness.
2. That looking out for yourself is selfish and heartless.
3. To pity people to the point that they need rescuing.
4. To have the fear as a default setting and reaction to everything.
5. That I have t know everything and if I didn’t know it, it didnt exist.
6. That being a good person meant often having feelings of worry and guilt.
7. To conform and toe the line.
8. That my talents and strengths were nothing speial.
9. Not to blow my own trumpet.
10. That it is greedy to want to be wealthy.
How cathartic, with your permission I’d love to use this in workshops.
In love, light and abundance x x x
I am lucky I never learned any of the things on your list
Hi Alex,
Great to see you back.
This is another great way to get clarity about what you so want in your life.
Then we can move forward to doing what we do want to do, be and have
Be Abundant
Suzie
What a load of crap… if you hadn’t learned those things you wouldn’t be who you were today…
I’m glad I learned how hard it was to be yourself after being raped… it allowed me to know how strong I was
I’m glad I learned how painful it is when someone dies… it made me appreciate the people that matter while they are still alive
etc
etc
etc
Life’s tough, life has ups and downs if you didn’t have all the bad stuff how would you learn to appreciate the good things? If you always ate Strawberries how would you appreciate that first, home grown, straight from the plant one picked in the glorious summer?
Look at how people treat this beautiful earth we live on… it’s always here and they haven’t learned to appreciate it because they know nothing else. They don’t know and they don’t care because they have nothing to compare the beautifulness with.
I wish I had never stumbled on this pity party blog post.
You people are pathetic and your inability to achieve self-fulfillment is because you attach all your value and personal worth to the opinions and actions of others, totally neglecting your own ability to change and control your destiny.
The myriad or self-esteem issues that have been manifest in both the original post and the follow up comments, not to mention the codependent aspects of so many of the comments suggest this blog and its subscribers are a group in search of 12 steps.
Get a grip on your life, take control of your situation and demand that others treat you the way you deserve or move on.
Pathetic whiners.
Meh. #2 is complete #%^&$#! though, I’m glad I’m not ignorant as far as religion goes.
I wish I had never learned the the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
…ahh, but had I not learned all these falsehoods,then I would have not learned the joy of releasing them….
thank you for this discussion.
Many blessings to you and all you hold dear,
CG
@n8mcd: Sometimes our ability to erase old tapes playing in our heads can help us grow and change. Thanks for sharing your point-of-view, too.
Alex
Pretty pessimistic viewpoint. Didn’t agree with any of the above!!
I wish I had never learned that god allows children to starve.
I wish I had never learned that god blesses war in his name.
I wish I had never learned that god doesn’t care.
I wish I had never learned that god is all powerful, because that means that he could change all the horrible things that happen every minute of every day, but he CHOOSES NOT TO.
I wish i never learned that my best friend had feelings for me, it destroyed our friendship. We both liked each other but we knew we couldn’t be together so it tore us apart.
Seriously, if you have ANYTHING you wish you never knew, you have SERIOUS PROBLEMS.
Since now you know, you can act in consequence to what you know, without being deceived!
The more you wish you didn’t knew, the more you should go see a Shrink or get on with your life before it ends.
I don’ agree with any of you and your wish i didn’t knew.
GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE PEOPLE
If you’re tired of something, ACT to change it.
Don’t let yourself affected by other, you CONTROL your life. Don’t let them control you.
You are the master of your life because anything can and will change over time. Anyone can die and leave you alone at ANY TIME.
This is a great way to get rid of negative beliefs!
1. I wish I had never learned that people have expectations about the way I act and am.
2. I wish I had never learned that my worth is calculated by the things I do, and not by who I am.
Thank you!
I wish I had never learned that just because she is your mother, doesn’t mean she has to love you, or care if you live.
I wish I’d never learned to stop when things got difficult.
I wish I’d never learned to listen to the doubter that crushes my dreams before I ever do anything about them.
Dude, you’re so negative, everything you learn helps you in some way, you just have to find out how.
And you and Lori are in for trouble if you think the bad things in the world happen because God does not care or allows them to occur. I feel that I should not waste my time and yours trying to be preachy, but humanity has to take responsibility for its actions. Well, good luck with your lives and make sure they are not as meaningless as you perceive them.
[...] Alex Blackwell presents 10 things you wish you had never learned [...]
“I wish I never had learned that my wife was having an affair.”
The things that people learn from other people is great, and there is alot to learn about in this life. I never knew how much there is to learn until someone told me,”you are never done learning in this life>Never.